(Definitely not following through with that QLC blog series I promised. Here’s something QLC-related as partial compensation.)
I really really really was almost a lawyer. I was going to be either an environmental or immigration lawyer and save the whole damn planet. Two months into my first full-time job working at a non-profit (which was supposed to be my dream job), I realized that I hated my life. So, I started studying like a boss for the LSAT and after some effort, I was eventually knocking the practice tests out of the park and thinking about getting my letters of recommendation together.
But then, I started to think about what I wanted to get out of my life in general which had never occurred to me as something that I needed to think about before. It was always like, “What do I want to be/do/accomplish?” and not really “How do I want to live on a daily basis until I’m 99?” Once I started down that road, law school was no longer a viable option. Professionally, I hated sitting down all day at my desk. I hated not interacting directly with people. I hated that I was kind of helping people, but not in any real significant way because anyone could do my job regardless of whether they truly cared or not. I hated working from 8:30-5, 5 days a week, with 15 days/year of vacation. I hated living just barely above the poverty line. Then it was like, “Well… as a lawyer, I’d be sitting. I’d be more or less isolated and reading/writing all day. I wouldn’t actually be helping large amounts of people on a day-to-day basis. I would be working at least 40 hours a week but probably way way more. And with law school debt and a public interest salary, I’d still be poor as shit.”
And at that point, I also realized I definitely wanted to have kids someday. And I didn’t see how being a badass productive world-saving lawyer was going to allow me to have any semblance of the family I wanted to have. It would be silly to have a law degree and work part-time or take a few years off completely just to raise kids. Plus, the timeline would have been terrible. After applying and getting in to law school then actually going to law school then finally having time to find someone to marry and then paying off my law school debt to the point where I’d be financially stable enough for kids, I’d be too old and my ovaries would have dried up. Maybe. It would probably still be possible to have kids but way more difficult. I’m not trying to still be giving birth when I’m 42.
As a nurse, I can move all day. I can physically be with people I’m helping all day. I can work any kind of schedule I want because there are a million schedules/jobs that you can get with a BSN and the career/schedule flexibility also allows me to have the family/lifestyle that I want. Nurses make damn good money and nursing school costs way less than law school. And I can be done within a year or two and then have all kinds of free time outside of work to live my life and be free until I’m actually ready to settle down which will still be long before I’m too old for kids.
Plus, it just feels right. I’m not sure why. But it does. More than anything I’ve started before. And I’ve definitely started (then obviously stopped) A LOT of things.