Late August is weird/sad sometimes. Little things trigger memories and make me feel the subtle sting of heartbreak. Honestly, when someone you really really loved dies, you never get over it. You move on and live life and whatnot, but it’s still kind of always there with you. The end of summer has this underlying mood sometimes because those were our best days. He was just one of those good genuine decent people who makes you a better person by association. That’s so corny but it’s so true. There are people like that who somehow influence you to strengthen your best qualities/abilities/tendencies and shut down the worst just by being amazingly loving, open, honest, and selfless people themselves. I’m so grateful to have had him in my life as a best friend and some days I feel infinitely lost in the absence. I owe him pretty much my whole life purpose as a human living on this earth and even though I fall short of his compassion for people every day, I will never do anything other than everything I can to honor his memory. He’s the reason I have the courage to cut the life crap that’s not working and move toward the positive/productive. But sometimes, after all these years, there’s that one thing that happens briefly in a day when everything stops for a second and something goes off in my head where I once again acknowledge the fact that he’s not here anymore and won’t be ever again. It’s not like I forget obviously. But it’s just that sometimes I more intensely feel the hollow emptiness where he used to be in like an “Oh yeah, he’s gone now…” kind of way that’s basically a quick prick of sadness in the core of my body that makes time stop. Like… one minute, I’m happily eating pizza. And the next minute. I stop inhaling oxygen for 3 seconds then feel melancholy ’til bedtime.
RIP, buddy. You were very loved and are very missed.