Why Guys Shouldn’t Buy Drinks (Or Anything) For Girls

True story. Last night, Desi and I went to Hough’s alone for the Steelers game as a result of that whole being excluded from a lot of stuff now thing. Still, we were having a damn good time. We pregamed with whiskey gingers at my house then ate some quesadilla burgers and drank Southern Tier Pumpking at the bar. Could not have been happier. Steelers + whiskey + good beer + best friend = perfect Sunday night. I think that kind of makes us old men. Oh well. Around half-time, the bartender comes over and says that some guys across the bar bought us drinks. How nice. NOT.

They effectively ruined my enjoyment of the game and whole night. Basically, as soon as we were notified of said drinks, they came over and were the most unattractive, unintelligent, unamusing guys I’ve ever met. Not only that, but because they bought us a drink, I felt obligated to talk to them. I was obviously nowhere near interested. But they just kept talking and talking perhaps thinking that they were doing well. What happened was I couldn’t watch the game because these guys were bugging the crap out of me and they stayed there ’til the end apparently not getting the hint. Somewhere in there they bought us another drink (kind of against our will actually) still trying to win us over, I guess.

Anyway, I automatically resent anything that comes between me and Steelers football. I’m sitting there being a little Polamalu in my jersey and literally living and dying by what’s happening on the TV and this guy thinks it’s a good idea to come over and talk my ear off about stupid stuff like how he’s signed the wrong form at AIP where he used to go to school and is now $4000 in debt because of it (seriously?) and also about how likes “90s music” like Lifehouse. God, help us. Lifehouse is terrible. And also NOT FROM THE 90s. But this kid seemed to think that their first single came out in 1998. Anyway, he’s talking about all this crap thinking that we’re hitting it off or something when I’m sending CLEAR signals about how uninterested I am and getting more irritated that this close game is being interrupted by some guy who even explicitly stated that he’s not that interested in football. Ok, fine. You don’t have to like it but stop ruining my enjoyment of it because I actually do like it.

After the game was over, Desi and I went to peace out ASAP. I mean, I did have to work at 7:30 this morning anyway. Then this guy called me out for texting a lot during our conversation and about the fact that we were leaving and not having a victory beer with them. For real, bro? THEN he said he hopes to see us next week because he “watches” the Steelers game there every week. Uhhh, not happening. Now I can never go back to Hough’s for a Steelers game. Thanks for ruining my favorite thing ever, douche with no social skills. Also, accusing me of not paying enough attention to you is needy/pathetic.

Tangent: Hough’s is becoming more and more ruined which sucks because it really is my favorite bar. Reasons:
1) The crowd seems to be getting older in terms of available men. They all seem to be married.
2) I’ve met a decent amount of guys there so a lot of times when I go back, it’s awkward to see the ones I’ve been out with (and weren’t really into) while I’m on a date with another one. During every moment of singleness in my life over the last few years, I’ve just gone and sat there alone then reliably within 30 minutes (max), a guy comes over and we have a good time. But now I think I’ve exhausted that as a resource. And it’s weird/messy now.
3) It’s where I make pretty much every non-Hough’s guy I meet go on a first date with me. I suggest it and they love it and we have a good time… but again, awkwardness for the same reasons as above. And also, because I feel bad. It makes me feel like Hough’s is some kind of first date assembly line where I lure them in and push them out when I’m done with them and then I get weird about maybe how possibly insincere I’m being because they have no idea that many guys have been there in that spot with me before. I realized this especially when I was there with a guy I actually did like because that felt more significant/special than something that should have happened where I’d been with tons of guys before. No more first dates at Hough’s. It’s decided.
4) It was our Cheers bar back in the day when everything was good between Matt and I and we all went regularly as a group and made lovely memories but now it’s kind of bittersweet and sometimes actually painful to be there because nothing is what it used to be. I’m really more upset about losing the group dynamic than losing Matt.
5) Their specials aren’t as good now that it’s a super popular spot. And it’s reliably crowded. Like sometimes you can’t get a seat. There used to be weeknights when we’d be the only ones in there.

But, ok… back to the real point of this post. Why guys shouldn’t buy drinks (or anything else) for girls.
1)  It makes us feel obligated to talk to you. And maybe you think “Oh, if I can just get her to talk to me…” No. Mostly we’re just annoyed that we have to waste our time doing that unless you’re amazing. If we’re out doing our thing and we don’t make eye contact with you at all the whole night or acknowledge that you’re at the bar or even know that you’re at the bar, don’t waste your time/money. Talk to us first then go from there. What if I had a boyfriend? You would have wasted $4-$8 before you could even find out.
2) Guys who are amazing don’t buy girls drinks. Because:
a) they don’t have to because they’re hot and/or smart and/or funny and/or interesting
b) they know it’s a waste of money because that’s just common sense
3) Related to #2, guys who are way less than awesome buy girls drinks because they have no other way to get them so buying us drinks automatically makes you seem incompetent because that’s what you’re associated with instantly
4) Bitches will take advantage of your drink buying inclination and pump you for them then leave without giving you a number or going home with you or promising to go on a date with you

It’s one thing to start talking to a girl, hit it off, have a pretty good feeling that she’s into you, and then offer to buy her a drink in a casual way. Like “Here, let me get the next one” or something. That’s a nice guy gesture. Not a socially incompetent creeper gesture.

10,000x more successful and cost effective… “Hi, my name is _____. [Insert something about how you think we’re cute]” then follow up with absolutely any conversation starter.

Easy.

Personally, I hate when guys buy me anything in general. It’s unnecessary and almost unappreciated. It freaks me out. Maybe it’s the walls, maybe it’s the independence. Maybe it’s just easier to get to know someone when no one owes anyone anything. Paying for my stuff just takes it to a whole other level. Like a boyfriend level. You don’t have to act like a boyfriend on the 4th date. It’s too much.

I guess I just feel like when they pay for something, it immediately rips away my freedom and the cloud of obligation comes and hangs over my head and I feel tense and I don’t know why. Perhaps I need to man the fuck up and just accept this graciously and not feel bad if it doesn’t work out because they’re the ones who foolishly spend the money and that’s not my problem. But that sentiment sounds equally as hostile as being hostile about the fact that they always try to pay. I also don’t understand why guys are always like “I hate paying for girls because they use me” BUT THEN THEY ALWAYS DO IT. Seriously. I can’t even wrap my brain around this issue and I have no way how I should feel about it or how I should deal with it or how I should react to it. Sigh.

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