And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.
Summer is my free/limitless season where everything is possible and I exist in a purely happy state. It’s my favorite, hands down. And so I resist fall on every level until I’m forced to acknowledge it. But I ease into it. And realize that I love fall too.
Sweater weather… pumpkin beer… gorgeous leaves… football… Halloween.
Tonight, it rained a little and I got agitated from being inside because I could smell the rain on the breeze. Everyone thinks that summer rain smells the best and that’s not necessarily true because late September rain is one of the best things you can experience.
I think I was also agitated from life and loneliness. This whole social circle change/weird dynamic/upheaval is kind of wearing me out. Well, more like wearing me down. I regularly feel despondent and it sucks.
Anyway, while in that unsettled state, there’s really only one thing I can do. Get in the car, roll the windows down, turn the music up, and go for a drive. I know I should be more environmentally conscious but really, sometimes I just need to go and there’s nothing I can do about it.
Pittsburgh is one of the greatest places to drive at night. So many bridges and tunnels and rivers and hills and curves. I think one of the reasons I picked Pitt for college is because I wanted to have that experience regularly. The infinite one.
There’s something about that tunnel that leads to downtown. It’s glorious at night. Just glorious. You start on one side of the mountain, and it’s dark, and the radio is loud. As you enter the tunnel, the wind gets sucked away, and you squint from the lights overhead. When you adjust to the lights, you can see the other side in the distance just as the sound of the radio fades because the waves just can’t reach. Then, you’re in the middle of the tunnel, and everything becomes a calm dream. As you see the opening get closer, you just can’t get there fast enough. And finally, just when you think you’ll never get there, you see the opening right in front of you. And the radio comes back even louder than you remember it. And the wind is waiting. And you fly out of the tunnel onto the bridge. And there it is. The city. A million lights and buildings and everything seems as exciting as the first time you saw it. It really is a grand entrance.
The Perks of Being a Wallflower is real and honest and heartbreaking and encouraging and painful and beautiful and powerful and devastating and relatable. It’s universal.
And Stephen Chbosky pretty much precisely describes exactly how it feels to fly out of the Fort Pitt tunnel in the middle of the night.
And when the September mist/air all over you and you have this song on your iPod, life reaches an infinite level. I will never get tired of that feeling. It really is like the first time every time. Maybe it’s unsafe to drive fast with my hair flying in my face but the emotional and spiritual cleansing is worth it.
I really do love Pittsburgh. And I have to go away for awhile. But when I’m done getting everything out of my system, there’s no place I’d rather be for the rest of my life. It’s the absolute best place to come home to.
And when I listen to Angels and Airwaves, I will forever think of this Shakespeare quote because life memories have eternally linked them together. And it’s actually applicable to right now kinda.
There is a tide in the affairs of men.
Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;
Omitted, all the voyage of their life
Is bound in shallows and in miseries.
On such a full sea are we now afloat,
And we must take the current when it serves,
Or lose our ventures.
Et tu, Brute?
I can’t think of Julius Caesar without saying that in my head. I apologize for the irrelevant outburst.
In all seriousness… the high tide, people. It’s right now. Don’t miss your opportunity. I, for one, am about to let it float me out to sea.
More irrelevance: here’s your daily dose of the Avett Brothers… Die Die Die
I think there should be a competition where someone earns the title of “World’s Biggest Avett Brothers Fan” because I would win. Y’all don’t have a chance.
Even more irrelevance:
In Rainbows. Best Radiohead album? Decisively yes. I decided that on my drive tonight. Is Reckoner the best Radiohead song? That’s still up for debate. Attempting to conclusively resolve that question that is like trying to find out how many licks it takes to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a TootsiePop. The world may never know. I think it’s just my temporary favorite right now because it’s so raw and so am I. Thom Yorke does raw like nobody else. “Reckoner” was almost the title of this post because that’s such a badass title for anything. But the Honorary Title happens to have a song with a name that is so unbelievably fitting for when you’re discussing Pittsburgh’s civil structures that I couldn’t pass it up.
Finally, Matt Costa.
And we’re bound for where we started
With a downwind course through the harbor
At sunset I was sorry