Today did not go as planned. It’s 10PM and I’m home and sober enough to study.
Think about everyone you know who’s been in nursing school. Then think about how stressed they were. Then think about packing all that stress into 11.5 months.
That’s why I’m not out right now. And why I’m getting up early to work on stuff and study all day tomorrow.
On a scale of 1 to 10, my stress level is an 11. Only a stress level of 11 could keep me from getting absolutely hammered and make me go home early on St. Paddy’s.
I think I’m at the brick wall of “I can’t fathom how I’m going to pull this off and the next 9 months seem impossible.”
Not gonna lie… it would be nice to not be so alone right now. You can only be your own motivation for so long. When burnout happens, you need a team of people to keep you going. And if someone could just make me baked mac n cheese, I’d be so happy.
Ben did call me talk shit about how badly my brackets are failing though haha. But he left me with some parting motivational words when he found out why I wasn’t obliterated like everyone else. He said (slurred), “Lizzie, do not give up. You can never give up. You’re a wild Irish rose.” That obviously made me feel less like giving up. But also like I really really wanted to be home. Stress-induced debilitating homesickness should be a real DSM disorder.
But I still had Guinness for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. So, the day wasn’t a total loss. It’s the little things, I guess.
And the Pens are tearing it up. How can I be unhappy when Crosby had 2 assists during the 16 minutes that he played on Thursday? And he had 3 assists today. And Cooke has scored 4 goals in 2 days. Outrageous.
But again… I want to be at Hough’s or Mario’s or anywhere in Pittsburgh screaming my face off with everyone instead of here in Alabama where I don’t really have time to watch hockey or anyone who cares about hockey to watch it with.
Today, all the happy things are just making me more sad, I think.
But this is what Crosby said about his first game and I think I’m going to adapt that sentiment to the next 9 months of my life.
To get into a game like that, a big situation with the intensity… I was happy to get that first one over with and keep going.
After the psych clinical rotation is over I can say to myself, “I was happy to get that first one over with and keep going.”
And then I’ll just start checking off each rotation one by one until it’s December.
This is a big situation with intensity. But I have to keep facing it every day because I refuse to quit. Graduation is going to be the proudest day of my life. I’ll feel like I finally accomplished something that was difficult and worthwhile.