Monthly Archives: May 2012

Dating In The Bible Belt

OkCupid in Pittsburgh is a good way to meet people and have fun and I had moderate success with it last fall.

OkCupid in Mobile is confusing. Dating in the bible belt isn’t gonna work for me. I knew that in February but I decided to try again to fill the recently reopened void.

Real answers to real questions from real people:

Q: Do you think homosexuality is a sin?
A: Yes I think it is a sin if we define sin by the bible because it does say that but I don’t have a problem with gay people. I have gay friends and honestly think gay marriage should be legal. So yes I do think the bible considers it a sin but it also says the same about lieing or breaking mans laws such as speeding and we all sin I mean… We are human.

Q: Do you believe contraception is morally wrong?
A: Morally, yes. But until it is time for a ring, contraception is a must.

That second guy listed sex as one of the 6 things he can’t live without.

At least they’re trying?

And I respect people’s right to different opinions. But I can’t date people with different opinions like those. Especially confusing/astonishing/mystifying opinions.

I’m a 54% match with almost everyone here. In Pittsburgh, it’s rare that I’m below 75%.

But then again, OkC really does attract the weirdos no matter where you are. For every one good guy on OkC Pittsburgh, there were 30 weird ones. So maybe these guys aren’t really representative of all the eligible men here. But being that I don’t have time to really live a life outside of nursing school, it’s my only option.

In my dream life, I meet a guy during summer kickball and we fall in love and live happily ever after. In my real life, I’m hesitant to sign up for fear of the Alabama heat. And the fact that my summer clinical schedule is yet to be determined.

I think I’m also just having a weak moment. Because last week at this time, all I wanted to do was be single. But then there was the altercation with the ex. And now I’m broken and lonely all over again.

Really, I don’t even want to be with someone in a relationship. I just want to flirt with someone. And watch superhero movies on the couch with intermittent periods of making out.

In the 24 hour period between Monday and Tuesday night, I watched Iron Man, Iron Man 2, The Incredible Hulk, Captain America, and Thor by myself. And drank a fifth of whiskey (that probably happened in 12 hours or less) by myself. And at the end of this week, I’m probably going to go see The Avengers by myself.

Forever alone. Lolo Jones is my inspiration for being able to embrace and then publicly admit these things.

While trying to console myself by looking for New Orleans apartments on Craigslist (because I know for a fact that NOLA men are better because I’ve experienced it), I found out that during my whiskey palooza I was looking at apartments in Austin. What the hell, subconscious?

I mean, to be fair, I have more or less decided that Austin is what comes after New Orleans. Austin is where grown-up liberals who like hot weather and good music and a laid-back atmosphere go to live. So when I’m a grown-up liberal, that’s where I’ll be. But the 25 year old version of myself is headed straight to NOLA until I’m ready to act like I’m 28.

Sadly, drunk Liz was apparently skipping ahead a little bit on Monday night.

Ugh. I just need to get back into my groove.

This is a perfect summary of my life leading up to the post-afterparty situation on Saturday night.


Except my ex isn’t an innocent feeble old man. And I don’t have the power to have anyone thrown out the window.

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Lord, I’m Coming Home To You

It was too early to come home. I knew that. Unfortuately, I had no choice. And I was so happy to celebrate with James and Rachel. The wedding was FANTASTIC. Really. Best wedding of all time.

Everything with Matt was smooth. Until after the after party. When he wanted to talk. I tried to resist. And held out for a long time. But unfortunately not forever. The man is persistent and I was drunk and weak.

Cue severe emotional trauma.

Charlotte, Desi, and Ryan had to like compression cuddle my sobbing body last night.

It fucking hurts to breathe. I tear up every 10 minutes. My eyes are swollen from crying. And it sucks that I have to be out in public all day.

But it’s over. I never have to see the guy again. Even though the band-aid was way way way ripped off last night and I have to start over with the healing, at least I know that this is the last time I’ll have to start over.

After 3.5 years of starting the healing process over and over again with him, I’m happy to be done.

My flight leaves a little before 8. I got to the airport at like 1:15 because Pittsburgh was suffocating my heart. I need to get on this plane and get back to the Gulf Coast. It’s my safe place.

If Liz Lemon Was An Olympian

Lolo Jones is my new favorite person. Her tweets are hilarious.

Also hilarious:

Unlike another famous virgin athlete, Tim Tebow, who has the personality of a lukewarm cooler of Gatorade, Lolo is funny, charming, humble, and wry. Instead of a brash obnoxious professional athlete, she’s like your funniest single BFF whose career comes before dating, and is able to joke about it.

I hope she gets a gold medal.

Speaking of the Olympics… I’M SO PUMPED. Especially because they’re the summer Olympics. I’m one of those really lame people who really really really loves the Olympics. I thought this would pass when I got older. But I think it’s just getting worse.

But I don’t have cable so that means I can only watch NBC and not everything that’s on all the NBC affiliated channels that have more frequent coverage and a variety of events. I want 24/7 Olympics. So I might just suck it up and get cable.

My other options:
1) Go to the bar to watch the Olympics every night and become an alcoholic as a result
2) Invite myself to other people’s houses so often that I lose all my friends and become depressed
3) Watch the events at the gym but 5+ hours of running on the treadmill each night will force me to drop below a healthy BMI

In other non-related news: HOME IN 2 DAYS. This week has been hell. Because it’s the last week of this rotation. And it will continue to be hell until Friday morning when I leave the Gulf Coast and return to Pittsburgh for the first time in exactly 5 months minus 1 day. Provided I don’t miss my flight. It’s going to be close. And I’m STRESSED about this. And everything else. Really… EVERYTHING else. I’m having those bridesmaid nightmares that Mary said I would get too. And I have irrational thoughts like “what if my hair stylist sneezes when cutting my bangs tomorrow and accidentally cuts all of them off?” School stress is spreading to life stress. My brain chemistry is off.

I’ve already had an exam and a simulation in the lab (which is stressful because it’s a simulated chaos situation) this week. Then there was clinical today and another near all-nighter from clinical paperwork tonight then clinical tomorrow and a debate to prepare. And then on Friday, starting at 7:30AM (I couldn’t even make this stuff up), a medical math exam and a clinical skills final. Then fly home, do wedding stuff all weekend, hopefully not be too hungover on Sunday (but who are we kidding?) and then fly back Sunday night and take a comprehensive clinical theory final on Monday morning. Yes, we have school on Memorial Day.

My BFF is getting married and I hardly have enough time to feel happy feelings. I know this will change once I land and forget school for 2 days. But for now, I feel like deferring enrollment for 6 months would have been a better idea.

It’s For The Best You Didn’t Listen

Considering that the only thing I have to do this weekend, school-wise, is to study for a test (as opposed to the usual agenda of study for a test and write a 17 page research paper and finish up 500 other things), this Sunday is more like a regular Sunday instead of an “Oh goodness, I want to die right now” Sunday.

As such, here’s a Sunday song for y’all.

Some nights, I stay up cashing in my bad luck
Some nights, I call it a draw
Some nights, I wish that my lips could build a castle
Some nights, I wish they’d just fall off

But I still wake up, I still see your ghost
Oh Lord, I’m still not sure what I stand for
Oh, what do I stand for? What do I stand for?
Most nights, I don’t know anymore

This is it, boys, this is war
What are we waiting for?
Why don’t we break the rules already?
I was never one to believe the hype
Save that for the black and white
I try twice as hard and I’m half as liked, but here they come again to jack my style

And that’s alright
I found a martyr in my bed tonight
She stops my bones from wondering just who I am, who I am, who I am
Oh, who am I? Oh, who am I?

Well, some nights, I wish that this all would end
‘Cause I could use some friends for a change
And some nights, I’m scared you’ll forget me again
Some nights, I always win, I always win

But I still wake up, I still see your ghost
Oh Lord, I’m still not sure what I stand for
Oh, what do I stand for? What do I stand for?
Most nights, I don’t know

So this is it? I sold my soul for this?
Washed my hands of that for this?
I miss my mom and dad for this?

No. When I see stars, when I see, when I see stars, that’s all they are
When I hear songs, they sound like this one, so come on
Oh, come on. Oh, come on. Oh, come on.

Well, this is it guys, that is all
Five minutes in and I’m bored again
Ten years of this, I’m not sure if anybody understands
This one is not for the folks at home
Sorry to leave, mom, I had to go
Who the fuck wants to die alone all dried up in the desert sun?

My heart is breaking for my sister and the con that she call “love”
But when I look into my nephew’s eyes…
Man, you wouldn’t believe the most amazing things that can come from
Some terrible lies

The other night, you wouldn’t believe the dream I just had about you and me
I called you up, but we’d both agree
It’s for the best you didn’t listen
It’s for the best we get our distance
It’s for the best you didn’t listen
It’s for the best we get our distance

Put on your sunglasses, get in your car, hit the interstate, and turn it up.

Ambivalence Insomnia

I’m so outrageously pumped for next weekend. I’m also really really dreading it at the same time.

I can’t wait to be home. I can’t wait to party all weekend. I can’t wait to be a bridesmaid.

I’m dreading the part where I have to see Matt again because if it were up to me, I’d never have to see him again as long as I live. I’m dreading seeing all the ex-friends involved in the whole “standing up for myself and leaving Pittsburgh on bad terms with a ton of people” thing. This could be super painful and awkward.

When I finally lay down in my bed, if it’s not stress from clinical that’s keeping me awake, it’s the wedding situation. I’m either way too excited to sleep or way too anxious. For 10 minutes, I’ll be thinking “AHHH I CAN’T WAIT FOR THIS,” then during the next 10 minutes, my brain is like “AHHH I DON’T WANT TO GO.”

I feel bad for the people who have to sit next to me on the plane next Friday. I’m going to be radiating energy like a pulsar. Even if I’m just sitting still and we’re not talking, they’re going to feel it and get off the plane wondering why their baseline for mental and emotional excitation is way way off.

This sounds like some kind of crazy new age superstitious aura type stuff but if there’s one thing I’ve learned during this first rotation in the hospital, it’s that people do have energy and you are affected by it, whether their energy levels and types are overtly apparent or not. Anytime you’re doing any sort of cooperative or interpersonal work, the group or environmental milieu can be changed significantly by just one person. They may not be doing anything that’s obviously different from anyone else and they may even be just sitting there, but things can feel off somehow and dynamics can change instantly.

If you don’t believe in human energy, it’s probably because you work in a cubicle.

Anyway, during my insomnia last night, I just watched Mike Tomlin press conferences because YouTube is a black hole of time wasting. That kind of calmed me down a bit. Good game or bad game, the man is calm and collected and objective and badass during those press conferences. They inspire me to pull myself together. Plus, they’re awesomely entertaining. Remember that epic “unleash hell in December” one?

Please don’t talk to me about moral victories and things of that nature.

You know, we will not go gently. We will unleash hell here in December because we have to.

And all the videos of Mike Tomlin mic’d on the field are hilarious/awesome. Here’s another.

Brett Favre still reigns supreme for that kind of thing though. But Mike Tomlin is definitely a close #2.

Anyway, speaking of the Steelers, Marisol sent me an email titled “Ryan Clark’s kid is so freaking badass” and this was the link (start somewhere near the middle). I concur 100%.

Also, yesterday I discovered that 2 blocks from my apartment, there’s a house with a huge Steelers flag hanging from the porch. And someone pulled the Pittsburgh Left on me. I should have been upset that they had the audacity to do this in Mobile where it’s not an acceptable driving technique. However, it just made my heart melt with love. Those two things combined with the fact that PNC bought out some other bank chain since I moved down here (so PNC banks are EVERYWHERE now) make me incredibly happy. In January, there were zero. Now there are 500. Every 10 minutes, there’s a PNC bank. These things make me feel like I’m in Pittsburgh. Except it’s a variation of Pittsburgh that has way better weather.

So, anyway…

TLDR: I want to go home. I don’t want to go home. And my obsession with Pittsburgh and the Steelers has yet to wane. In fact, I think it’s intensified.

Modified Goals

Dislcaimer: Three categories of statements in this post:

1) Some of these statements are very serious.
2) Some of these statements are very unserious.
3) Some of these statements are confusing even to me. I don’t know if I mean them or not.

My backup plan for life since I decided to be a nurse and not a lawyer has been to go to law school if I’m 32 and not in a serious relationship with no prospects of having a family. Women who are 32 and not in a serious relationship are kidding themselves if they think they still have prospects of having a family. Except my mom. She’s an exception.

Anyway, my new back up plan is to go to med school and become a surgeon. My experience today was that life changing. Not an eye surgeon though. That’s too meticulous. Orthopedics all the way. It was the most badass thing I’ve ever seen in my whole life and I want to be wearing the green scrubs and giving someone a new hip.

Also, at lunch today, there was a realistic discussion about childbirth from people who have given birth. And I have decided that I do not want to ever do that. Plus, I just finished The Kite Runner which was single-handedly the most devastating book I have ever read and there’s no way I could have my own child now. I will adopt if I ever have kids. And I’ve mentioned before how no man wants to adopt kids unless he can’t have his own kids. So the odds of me being in a serious relationship with the prospects of a family at 32 are very slim. So someday I will be replacing hips. It’s almost a given.

And even if my biology takes over and I decide I do want to have kids, I probably can’t because I think I accidentally got x-rayed today in the post-op area. I walked past a door just as the x-ray guy with the portable x-ray machine pressed the x-ray button or however that works and it went off when I was unaware and unprotected.

X-rays straight to the ovaries. I’m probably barren. And totally ok with it. I hope this blase attitude doesn’t come back to haunt me someday. Like if I do want to have kids and I’m devastated that I can’t, I’ll think back to this day and realize how stupid and foolish and ungrateful I was.

But for now, I see my future role as everyone’s favorite aunt. Who also gives people new hips. And has 3 dogs.

39% Done

Knowing that I’m more than 1/3 done with this isn’t good enough. I needed a more exact figure in order to stay calm.

Now that grades for the spring semester have been officially submitted, I just realized that I took 31 credits of nursing classes in one semester. And 16 of those credits were grad level.

Goodness.

I probably should have paid attention to what this actually entailed before I signed up. Because that’s freaking insane. I think in college, I never took more than 18 credits in one semester. No wonder I’m exhausted all the damn time.

This 7 week clinical rotation is kicking my butt in terms of sleep and desire to be alive. Which is why I’m falling off the blog post wagon. There’s never any time to catch up on missed sleep or relax, let alone type nonsense.

1.5 weeks to go, though. And a little over one week ’til I’m HOME in Pittsburgh for the weekend! I think my flight gets in around 4PM next Friday. Then I have to turn around right after the wedding and get back on a plane on Sunday night. Sigh. I might not make it to December. I’m going to become one of the lost children of nursing school.

At least tomorrow morning I get to watch a surgery or two. Maybe that will be the speed boost I need to make it through another semester. Please please please please please be a total knee replacement. I’m dying to see one.

Anyway, here’s what I initially planned on sharing in this post:

I think I’ve started collecting YouTube videos of children being rockstars in cars… Exhibit 1 and Exhibit 2