I’m Shocked That We’ve Survived As A Species

Oh dear God… I’m never getting pregnant. I’ve officially made the decision.

And I’m convinced that if more women knew about what happens to your body during pregnancy and labor, they’d never choose to procreate.

Prolapsed umbilical cords and uteruses that turn inside out? Yeah… no thanks.

There are a lot of painful and traumatic outcomes. The worst obviously being infant mortality. I don’t want to take a chance with any of these things.

A person being inside of another person is the most unnatural natural thing of all time.

I don’t really like newborn babies either. I mean, I don’t hate them. I just don’t have that “I CAN’T WAIT TO HAVE A BABY!” feeling that everyone else in my program had after their experience in the newborn nursery. You just feed them and change them then they sleep and sometimes if you’re lucky they open their eyes for like a second. I understand that they get progressively more awake and active as time goes on but that also means that they cry a lot more.

When Mary and Binks have babies, I will totally be there when they’re born and rock them and snuggle them and sing to them and swaddle them and feed them and change them and buy them awesome presents… but then I can just go back home and resume my life when I’m ready to do my own thing again.

I might adopt some toddlers though because they’re much more awesome. They do stuff. And think thoughts and say words and play real games.


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