That Awkward Moment Where You’re Different And Everyone Else Is The Same

Just like in May, the closer I get to home, the more nervous I am about it.

There’s already a holiday party I’m probably supposed to attended and, if you asked me two weeks ago, probably wanted to attend. However, more drama and the fact that I’m somehow sort of in the middle of it despite being 1,000 miles away for the last 12 months has made me realize that it’s going to be super awkward. Even without the recent drama, it still would have been super awkward.

I’ve changed a ton during this last year. Grew up a lot and I’m different in so many ways. But I’m realizing that nothing in Pittsburgh has really changed at all. And that’s a great thing in some ways, but mostly it’s just terrible. It’s like pure stagnation. Everyone just does the same things and acts the same way and nothing ever changes.

When I saw Julia in New Orleans a few weeks ago, she was commenting that the pictures from this Halloween basically consisted of all the same people we hung out with circa 2008. True story, girl. It’s 2012. And nothing has changed.

I’m relieved  to have gotten out. And I dread going back for the most part. Which totally contradicts EVERYTHING I have written here since January.

I wish I could just kidnap the 10 people I actually want to see for a few days and ignore the rest.

There’s gonna be a wedding though. I’m super pumped about that. Laura and Kevin are on the list of approximately 10 favorites.

Anyway, this always happens. You’re so sad to leave and afraid of the changes. Then all the changes happen and you realize you never really cared that much in the first place.

Still, my dream/plan is to move back to Pittsburgh someday. Keep the friends I want and pretend like the rest don’t exist. Maybe accidentally run into them at Giant Eagle and such just because that happens in Pittsburgh. But we’ll briefly talk about the Steelers and move on.

And I’ll marry a guy with a nice body who has enough money to open a camping gear store with merchandise like canoes and Patagonia stuff. He’ll let me come up with a punny name and good logo, because I’m creatively awesome at stuff like that. Maybe we’ll attach a microbrewery to the side. I’ll work part-time as an ER/flight nurse and help manage the store. And spend the rest of my time with the kids. He’ll coach an elementary soccer team in Greenfield in the summer and fall. And we’ll all live happily ever after.

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