Category Archives: new orleans

The Kate Middleton, Downton Abbey, Nerd Glasses Trifecta

I think I stopped blogging last December for two reasons:

1) I ran out of things to say. Every post from basically August through December should suffice as proof of this.
2) I was busy. Moving then Christmas then New Orleans happened.

However, I’m currently less busy since New Orleans is now my regular life instead of my dream life. I mean, it’s still my dream life, but it finally has a regular rhythm. Also, the fact that I’ve been talking people to death about everything lately probably means that I have a lot to say again.

Although, Saturday is kind of a bad day to re-start blogging because there’s definitely a void when it comes to pressing matters and things of interest. Regardless, I think this will be a good baby step.

1) First, Kate Middleton is unfairly gorgeous just five weeks after giving birth to Prince George. I mean, the day after he was born, she was INSANELY PERFECT for having just given birth, but I thought that maybe that was just some kind of fluke. I’m pretty sure the universe bestows a one-time gift on everyone where you get to look amazing in the most adverse circumstances and I just figured that day was hers. However, during my daily perusal of HuffPost Canada, I came across this.

Goddammit, Kate Middleton. You make the rest of us look like cave trolls. I think it’s obvious that the biggest perk of being a princess is that you somehow get to avoid looking totally slovenly while you’re the mom of a newborn. Royalty must still employ fairy godmothers because real magic is the only explanation for this. NO ONE (seriously NO ONE) looks that good 5 weeks after childbirth.

Postpartum Kate Middleton looks better at a surprise public appearance at some random marathon than the rest of us ever will in our entire lives.

2) Second, the season 4 trailer for Downtown Abbey is out. Thank the heavens. It looks like it’s going to be the best season ever.

I think I’m the only person who was unaffected by whats-his-face’s death at the end of last season. To be totally transparent here, I never really cared for that dude. He had zero personality and the only time in three whole seasons I was ever like, “Okay, this guy’s kinda alright,” was when he took progressive measures to turn the estate around. Plus, the new guy that the trailer seems to suggest is Mary’s next love interest looks totally dashing.

To everyone who was completely in love with what’s-his-face for God knows what reason and was beyond/shocked crushed when he died, I say “Get over it. The show is going to be 1,000x better without him.” Keep in mind that the writers only wrote him out and killed him off because the actor who played him wanted to leave the show. I’m sure that secretly he was like, “My character sucks in every way and I basically have to wake up every day to go be the equivalent of a plain potato in the ethnic aisle of the grocery store right now. I’m over it. For the love of God, let my character die in a car accident at the breakneck speed of 15 MPH or something.”

Just watch that last episode again if you don’t believe me.

“I feel like I’ve swallowed a box of firecrackers.”
– something a person with zero personality says when their kid is born

3) Third, let’s talk about nerd glasses. Remember when you could go out with a guy who wears nerd glasses and it was safe to assume that he was a dorky good person and not a total douchebag? I do. And I seriously regret taking those days for granted because within the last 12 months, shit got real.

As a woman who basically develops an instant crush on every nerd glasses wearer (extra points if they’re tortoiseshell), the fact that times have changed presents a serious challenge.

Since EVERYONE wears them now that they’re “fashionable” instead of dorky, it has become way more difficult to separate the good from the bad in an efficient manner.

Let’s examine this from a bit of a historical perspective. At first, hipsters started the nerd glasses trend to go with the rest of their “ironic/uncool” statement pieces. The birth of this was going on around 2005, I think. Despite their similar spectacles, it was easy to separate the hipsters from the dorks because hipsters had a clearly defined style that identified them as such (in spite of doing everything they could to not have a clearly defined style, of course).

However, almost a decade later, since hipsters have become “cool” like they’ve always secretly wanted to be, nerd glasses have basically taken over. And since nerd clothes and nerd glasses-wearing douchebag clothes are not really too different, you actually have to seriously interrogate people before you agree to go out with them.

Side note: I’m obviously not talking about the graphic-T wearing type of douchebag here because those are still very easy to spot. I’m talking about the ones who wear button downs and chinos with sneaks and things like that.

The worst part is that I’m sure a ton of the douchebags previously got Lasik eye surgery and are therefore wearing non-prescription nerd glasses. That’s going out of your way to be a douche masquerading as a nerd. Something that’s used functionally by some people should never be used as an accessory to other people who don’t need to use it functionally, in my opinion.

And actually, if you think about it, douchebags have kind of adopted a lot of the “nerd casual” style. (I just coined that phrase. Contact me for permission to use it, fashion bloggers.) Sneakers with semi-nice clothes were a nerd invention. You used to expect that from people who were sitting around working out physics formulas in the lab and not people who hit on other people’s girlfriends while they have a girlfriend of their own to prove that they still “have game” and things like that.

Especially now that hipsters have reintroduced plaid to the world, there are literally zero defining style lines between douchebag and nerd. It’s like hipsters took facets of nerd casual and then, along with the inspiration of vintage looks, homeless people, overpriced 80s/90s style championed by American Apparel, and whatever socioeconomic/cultural subset weird hats come from, they incorporated it into their eclectic “I don’t care” look and then got cool enough to ruin every distinction between nerd and douchebag because douchebags wanted to further their “avant-garde, but retro/uncool” coolness like the hipsters had going on and the douchebags ultimately adopted the nerd-derived trends. #extremerunonsentence

Since nerds don’t pay attention to any of this, they’re just going about their daily lives without realizing that they look like all the cool people and if they do realize that they look like all the cool people, they don’t care enough to differentiate themselves since the whole premise behind nerd casual is that you just don’t give a crap (and it’s not in the hipster “I’m trying to look like I just don’t give a crap, but I actually care way more than anyone ever” way). Nerds weren’t uncool because they were anti-cool. Nerds were uncool because the world said they were uncool.

Anyway, what happens now is that when I encounter a guy in nerd glasses, my brain is totally confused. The part with sense is like “You can’t judge a person based on his glasses anymore,” but the part that’s still wired to the previous norm just entirely ignores the sense part. Perhaps douchebags have figured this out. Maybe they know that they can ride the “I’m a nice guy” first impression for a long time before we discover the truth sometimes. It’s a strategy. Nerd glasses should never be part of a strategy.

I need nerds to temporarily and uncharacteristically take a fashion stand and reclaim their glasses ASAP and I also need douchebags to move on to something else. I feel like I’m living in the Men in Black world where aliens are disguised as people.

The weekend consequences are always severe. I have to come up with excuses to prematurely/abruptly exit a lot of situations. The worst part is that since I’m so on edge, sometimes I mistake a nerd for a douchebag at the slightest indication of any minor douchey behavior. (This was the entire month of May 2013)

It’s a messed up apocalyptic world we’re living in, people. Elitist/misogynistic douchebags now parade around like they’re dorks with hearts of gold.

I don’t know if this is fixable and/or it’s just something that will pass in time. However, I do know that with a present solution, every woman with this problem needs to up her game and be extra careful. Stay smart. Stay strong. #solidarity


49 Days Later

My new boyfriend became my ex-boyfriend in late September. It was an amicable breakup and we’ve been able to maintain a healthy friendship. It’s nice to know that not all relationships have to end in disaster and I’m more open to them than I was previously.

Kelly, the Pittsburgh Rachel, and I had a crazy girls weekend in New Orleans shortly thereafter. It was almost as nuts as The Hangover. I’ve never done so many shameful things in a three day period. And I came home physically (and probably morally) broken. When you’re with tourists and spend every night in the French Quarter, New Orleans becomes the real Sin City. Everyone’s predicting that my life is going to fall apart when I move there in a month-ish. But I don’t think people fully appreciate/understand New Orleans. It’s so much more than drinking.  Although, when James, Rachel, Laura, and Julian come down for Mardi Gras, I’m mentally prepared to hate myself for the entirety of the following week.

The Mobile Rachel and I drove to Atlanta a few weeks ago to see Dispatch at the Tabernacle. One of the coolest venues I’ve ever been to AND the best show I’ve ever seen AND I got to meet them AND Pete and Braddigan signed my shirt. I’m not exaggerating when I tell people that it was the best day of my life.

The whole thing was especially crazy because I didn’t even fucking know they were touring again until like two weeks beforehand. We were at Serda’s doing clinical paperwork and Rachel mentioned that they were coming to Atlanta and I almost fell off the freaking bench from shock. Apparently, this isn’t even their first tour since getting back together to play again. I just assumed it was over forever so I didn’t bother to stay up-to-date. Lesson learned. Never give up on your life-long favorite bands.

Good Old War opened. And they were sweet/catchy/acoustic and made everyone all happy/wiggly. Check them out.

Also, at the tender age of 25, I realized how old I was. Say It Ain’t So started playing between bands and half the people geeked out and sang along like their life depended on it. The other half didn’t. And I realized that it was because they were too young to really have been truly affected by The Blue Album. I’m pretty sure that I’ve almost exclusively listened to Dispatch and Weezer since that night.

Anyway, nursing school turned me into a workaholic. Even though things are theoretically supposed to be more relaxed now, I’m intentionally staying outrageously busy because when I have free time, I feel empty and agitated. You can become so accustomed to stress that you can’t function without it. On top of practicum hours in the ED and stuff for online classes, I started volunteering at a community health clinic to fill the void. I can’t stop.

Finally, I’m going to die without hockey. Fuck the lockout.

I Will, I Won’t. I Do, I Don’t.

The wedding this weekend was insanity. It was very much a Penn State wedding in every way. My family parties so freakin hard. I miss them immensely.

Also, you can leave for a long time then come back and realize that nothing has changed and nothing will ever change… in so many ways. And that’s kind of comforting actually.

Like on Friday night when I was en route to State College with Mary and my Dad, before we’d even gotten to the Fort Pitt Tunnel, there had already been a solid conversation on brains, a chat about grad school cohorts/research, and a discussion about the people who are no longer Steelers and how Hines Ward’s retirement speech was basically the saddest thing we’ve ever seen in our lives.

It sucks how you can go home and then be even more homesick than you were before even though you just saw everyone.

Also, my school burnout is reaching ridiculously high levels. I have no idea how I’m gonna make it to December.

And this OB/Peds rotation is making me reconsider whether I want to have a family or not. Which is so messed up.

On the bright side, without kids to support, I could buy a new M3. So, then I’d be a badass surgeon with a badass car. Sounds like happily ever after to me.

I’m seriously starting to worry that I’ll never really know what I want. I’m a few weeks away from 25 and still reconsidering damn near everything about every plan I’ve ever tentatively made and every goal I’ve ever had.

I think I just actually am a noncommittal gypsy. And that sucks. Because I’m sick of being that. And I keep hoping that it’s a temporary phase. But can a phase really be a duration of 15 years?

Here’s a good example… Texas.

Six months ago, if (for some reason) I had a good reason to move to Texas, I would have gone… but I’d have been kicking and screaming the whole way.

Now, due to a series of what I’m still considering to be unfortunate events (because I still kind of really don’t want to move to Texas), Austin is maybe tied with New Orleans in terms of January plans.

Here’s why…

I still have no idea where I want to be after I graduate, in terms of potential nursing fields. And I’m kind of realizing that I probably won’t even know come December. So a nurse residency program seems like a good idea. This is basically a 6 to 52 week commitment (depending on the hospital) where you go through different rotations and get good experience in a lot of areas then decide what you want to do and if you’re good enough, the hospital tries to match what you want to do with what they need and/or want you to do then you have a job. It’s a good way to get your foot in the door if you have no experience and don’t want to work med-surg (and I know 100% positively that I don’t want to work med-surg).

Anyway, as far as I can tell from my research, New Orleans has zero nurse residency programs. The whole state of Louisiana has zero.

But Texas has a million.

And on one of my flights on Sunday, I sat next to a guy who grew up in Austin. And he made is sound slightly amazing.

So then I went on OkC to gauge how attractive/interesting/balanced guys from Austin are.

My God… they’re smokin’ hot and not crazy. And if the guys from OkC are that way, then you know that guys in real life all over the city are 500% hotter and more awesome. Because OkC is generally a baseline for figuring out what your worst options are. If those are my worst options, then I’m about to pack up and leave Mobile right now.

But then again… New Orleans is still kind of my dream, even though it never makes logistical sense. Like at first I didn’t have enough money saved to just pick up and go without being guaranteed a job. Then going to nursing school in Mobile made more sense than going to nursing school in New Orleans (shorter program, starting sooner, etc.). And now, it’s like “Oh, going to Texas for a year or two before New Orleans is probably a good idea.”

I feel like I’ll never get there. And I feel like I’m wasting my youth.

Also, Austin is still way far away from the beach. And since I’ve become a total beach bum at this point, I don’t know if I can do that.

Also, I still DON’T REALLY WANT TO MOVE TO TEXAS. But I kind of do want to move to Texas.

Ugh… it’s been like this slow progression from “Ick. Texas…” to “Oh, Texas… cool?” You can probably even track that change from my posts over the last six months. I don’t know what’s happening. My life is spinning out of control right now.

This is still relevant… 7 years later… nothing has really changed. I’m sick of noncommittal transience. But apparently, it’s the only state in which I ever exist.

So, I go back and forth forever
All my thoughts they come in pairs
Oh, I will, I won’t, I do, I don’t
I’m not surprised 
But I never feel quite prepared

Aside from flip cup and making pies, self-sabotage is my best skill.

I’m doomed to wander. Forever.

Dating In The Bible Belt

OkCupid in Pittsburgh is a good way to meet people and have fun and I had moderate success with it last fall.

OkCupid in Mobile is confusing. Dating in the bible belt isn’t gonna work for me. I knew that in February but I decided to try again to fill the recently reopened void.

Real answers to real questions from real people:

Q: Do you think homosexuality is a sin?
A: Yes I think it is a sin if we define sin by the bible because it does say that but I don’t have a problem with gay people. I have gay friends and honestly think gay marriage should be legal. So yes I do think the bible considers it a sin but it also says the same about lieing or breaking mans laws such as speeding and we all sin I mean… We are human.

Q: Do you believe contraception is morally wrong?
A: Morally, yes. But until it is time for a ring, contraception is a must.

That second guy listed sex as one of the 6 things he can’t live without.

At least they’re trying?

And I respect people’s right to different opinions. But I can’t date people with different opinions like those. Especially confusing/astonishing/mystifying opinions.

I’m a 54% match with almost everyone here. In Pittsburgh, it’s rare that I’m below 75%.

But then again, OkC really does attract the weirdos no matter where you are. For every one good guy on OkC Pittsburgh, there were 30 weird ones. So maybe these guys aren’t really representative of all the eligible men here. But being that I don’t have time to really live a life outside of nursing school, it’s my only option.

In my dream life, I meet a guy during summer kickball and we fall in love and live happily ever after. In my real life, I’m hesitant to sign up for fear of the Alabama heat. And the fact that my summer clinical schedule is yet to be determined.

I think I’m also just having a weak moment. Because last week at this time, all I wanted to do was be single. But then there was the altercation with the ex. And now I’m broken and lonely all over again.

Really, I don’t even want to be with someone in a relationship. I just want to flirt with someone. And watch superhero movies on the couch with intermittent periods of making out.

In the 24 hour period between Monday and Tuesday night, I watched Iron Man, Iron Man 2, The Incredible Hulk, Captain America, and Thor by myself. And drank a fifth of whiskey (that probably happened in 12 hours or less) by myself. And at the end of this week, I’m probably going to go see The Avengers by myself.

Forever alone. Lolo Jones is my inspiration for being able to embrace and then publicly admit these things.

While trying to console myself by looking for New Orleans apartments on Craigslist (because I know for a fact that NOLA men are better because I’ve experienced it), I found out that during my whiskey palooza I was looking at apartments in Austin. What the hell, subconscious?

I mean, to be fair, I have more or less decided that Austin is what comes after New Orleans. Austin is where grown-up liberals who like hot weather and good music and a laid-back atmosphere go to live. So when I’m a grown-up liberal, that’s where I’ll be. But the 25 year old version of myself is headed straight to NOLA until I’m ready to act like I’m 28.

Sadly, drunk Liz was apparently skipping ahead a little bit on Monday night.

Ugh. I just need to get back into my groove.

This is a perfect summary of my life leading up to the post-afterparty situation on Saturday night.

Except my ex isn’t an innocent feeble old man. And I don’t have the power to have anyone thrown out the window.

Various and Sunday

Sunday is the best day of the week. I’m a productivity monster. Avett Brothers (and similar things) all afternoon.

Although, I’m kind of wishing I’d just gone to nursing school in Pittsburgh because going to nursing school while living in Mobile basically requires every ounce of self-discipline I have. Thank goodness I was a ballerina for so long. Otherwise, this wouldn’t be possible. It’s summer all the time here.

I went to brunch with a super cute guy and then he was going fishing afterwards and he invited me and I couldn’t go because I have an exam tomorrow and need to study all day. And saying no to that was THE MOST DIFFICULT THING I’VE EVER DONE. Brunch then fishing. Sounds like the best damn Sunday ever.

Every morning, I wake up and natural sunshine light is flooding my bedroom because I have super high ceilings and tons of huge windows and I just want to lay there happily ever after instead of getting up to go sit in a classroom for 7 hours.

And I know that this is exactly what I want and what I’ve worked toward for the last 1.5 years, so I know I just have to suck it up and get it done. But damn. When the alternatives to studying are kayaking and fishing and running on amazing cross-country trails and biking and hanging out on the pier and chilling on a boat and napping outside on the patio (in January?!) and going to New Orleans and going to Mississippi and eating crab cakes and digging up lily pads for your friend’s pond, your body goes into like “no studying ever” shock.

It’s the simplest and most relaxing existence ever. I should have moved to Alabama six years ago. I probably would have failed college though. The only reason I’m not failing nursing school is because I don’t have all those other college distractions (like excessive drinking, co-ed mingling, sporting events, volunteer activities, etc.) on top of the Gulf Coast distractions.

Another issue with studying is that my apartment has 10 billion places to fall asleep. I have a 7 foot couch, a 6 foot couch, a love seat, a huge comfy chair, a papasan chair, and patio furniture. They’re all amazing places to study but also have incredible potential to knock you out. And my office is the sunshiniest part of the apartment so of course I never get anything done in there. I’ve decided against getting a hammock. It would cripple my work ethic.

This like being in love with with someone for the first time (which I think I mentioned at some point a few days ago). I’m smiley and distracted and fluttery and all of that all at once every day. I’m so in love with life that I can’t get anything done most of the time.

11 more months. Then I’ll be living in New Orleans and working 12 hour shifts just 3-4 days a week and every single second that I’m not working will be spent on all the activities I have to skip right now.

Here’s a rundown of happy Sunday songs and videos. You’ll smile and laugh, I promise.

Long Time Gone by Tim O’Brien and Darrell Scott
Prison Bones by Matt the Electrician
(Turn Out The Lights And) Love Me Tonight by The Tennessee Boltsmokers

Civil Disservice from the Daily Show a few days ago

Smoke Ring Halo

Disclaimer: I’m too happy for coherency right now. Prepare yourself for lots of half-thoughts.

I saw the Wood Brothers tonight.

They opened with this. They ended on this. And everything in between was the greatest thing I’ve ever heard in my life.

Jesus Christ, it was mind-blowingly amazing.

I want to live this night over and over again.

And they were recording for a live album. I love when that happens. FYI, it’s gonna be a great live album.

Anything involving a standup bass and harmonica automatically makes me feel like I’m living the happiest moment of my life.

Julian loved it too.

Stuff white people like #135: Taking their black friends to see white people music.

Good God, look at the list of what’s technically considered “alt-country.”

Based on that list, I guess it’s fair to say that alt-country might be my favorite goddamn genre. Old Crow Medicine Show started it years and years ago. Now it’s taking over like a disease. But only if you could love a disease.

Now it’s so apparent why I need to go south. Native Pennsylvanians don’t make music like that. Tonight was what my Alabama life is going to be like every week. Well, moreso my New Orleans life. Great music 24/7. I could be over-idealizing. There’s only one way to find out!

Ryan was supposed to go tonight but he ended up covering the shift of a coworker who had to go be with his wife while she was in labor.  Ryan is a selflessly good guy. He loves the Wood Brothers more than anything.

All my friends are good people.

And hey, I choose my company
By the beating of their hearts
Not the swelling of their heads
– Saves The Day, My Sweet Fracture

Also, my life soul song officially switched from Young Blood to The Ballad of Scarlet Town. The Naked and Famous had a good long run there. Like 7 months or something. We’ll see what the next phase is like.

After I dropped Julian off, I cruised down Arlington Ave which is amazingly twisty and has a breathtaking view of Pittsburgh all the way down.

I love you, Pittsburgh. Even if you don’t produce my life music. Although, to be fair… without you, I wouldn’t have fallen in love with the Wood Brothers. Three Rivers Arts Fest 2009, anyone?

And I’m so badly gonna miss the Rex Theater. Unparalleled memories.

Can I run and fetch my soul from the Andes and leave it in the Rex Theater before I go?

She Just Gets Up And Goes. She Doesn’t Give Any Warning.

And here for the first time in my life I saw my beloved Mississippi River, dry in the summer haze, low water, with its big rank smell that smells like the raw body of America itself because it washes it up.

I love Greenfield. I get my pizza from Conicella’s, I drink at Hough’s, and I take my car to Calfo’s when it needs to be fixed. My house has a porch swing and hardwood floors and my room is the converted attic on the third floor where I can see everything and hear the rain and the sun rises on my face every morning and I have an infinite amount of space for projects and sleeping and spreading out and living. My room is the size of some people’s apartments. It’s 10 minutes from everything. I can walk/bike to Schenley Park.

But I will forever have this consuming preoccupation with the south and with the west and I can’t be entirely content here until I go. Especially now that I’ve been here for way too long investing in something that I thought was worthwhile. “Happiness only real when shared.” I didn’t even have to learn that by trial and error because Chris McCandless was nice enough to figure it out for us. So, that’s why I stayed. But the thought of actually living out my life adventures is ALWAYS in the back of my mind no matter what. Especially now that I came to terms with the fact that there was no future and I would never be entirely happy.

Tangent: Honestly, if you’re lucky enough to have that great thing with a person (and by great, I really mean like once in a lifetime love/companionship/passion/dedication/etc), then by all means go where they go or stay where they stay if that’s what needs to happen. Unfortunately, I don’t think many of us actually ever encounter that in our lives so for the most part, just move along. And ideally, if you do have that great thing, then they’ll go with you or stay with you as much as you do for them.

Drifting back to the point… On The Road is like a sacred religious text to me. I’m seriously only 30 pages in and it’s like the 4th time I’ve read it, but there’s still so much good life shit in there. Some sentences/paragraphs/thoughts kill me in a way that leaves me completely floored because it always seems like my soul has either had that feeling/experience or longs to have it. Case in point:

I woke up as the sun was reddening; and that was the one distinct time in my life, the strangest moment of all, when I didn’t know who I was–I was far away from home, haunted and tired with travel, in a cheap hotel room I’d never seen, hearing the hiss of steam outside, and the creak of the old wood of the hotel, and footsteps upstairs, and all the sad sounds, and I looked at the cracked high ceiling and really didn’t know who I was for about fifteen strange seconds. I wasn’t scared; I was just somebody else, some stranger, and my whole life was a haunted life, the life of a ghost. I was half-way across America, at the dividing line between the East of my youth and the West of my future, and maybe that’s why it happened right there and then, that strange red afternoon.

The first time I saw the Mississippi River, I was completely at a loss. It was everything I thought it would be. And it was incredible. And EPIC. And I fell in love with the south. I think they bewitched my sweet tea last time I was there because my only real goal in life is returning as soon as possible. Every plan I make is just another way to go back. Jayber Crow isn’t helping.

I also spent my whole life dreaming about the Pacific Ocean. And the first time I went in, I was in Chile. And it was winter. And the water was cold, as the Pacific Ocean always is. But it was nearly the best day of my life. And I can’t stop thinking about going back to that either.

In general, I have an unexplainable spiritual fixation/connection with bodies of water. This is probably the basis for my obsession with boats. My second life priority, aside from moving south, is buying a sailboat. And living happily ever after on it. On the water in the sunshine.

And then there’s the west.

It should not be denied…that being footloose has always exhilarated us. It is associated in our minds with escape from history and oppression and law and irksome obligations, with absolute freedom, and the road has always led west. – The American West as Living Space, Wallace Stegner

Into the Wild is my other sacred religious text, in case you haven’t figured that out yet. My spirit is sheer adventure and freedom and and peace and love. I can’t stay in this one spot forever. Mary drove to Utah and had the type of epic roadtrip experience I want to have someday soon. That I’ve been trying to have since I was 17.

As hesitant as I was to get into nursing because it meant giving up my public policy and public health “dreams,” I kind of feel like somehow destiny got involved and now I’m about to get into a career where I will always have a job no matter where I go will always have enough money to make my travels actually happen which is kind of what I wanted more than anything to begin with. I can just pick up and leave. Whenever. Let’s do this, life. At 24, I’m still such a baby with a million years ahead of me. At 90, I want to know with every certainty that I lived madly.

This is the type of idealism that dooms people. Maybe. Even so, “I just want to burn up hard and bright.” And I’m TOTALLY at the dividing line between the East of my youth and the West of my future.

By the way, all the best music comes from the south. And they play it often and everywhere. Oh, New Orleans. Someday soon.

I could listen to this song forever.

Also relevant… Big River

Pittsburgh will be the place that I return to when my biological clock starts ticking. I’m going to buy a house in Greenfield and have four kids. This is maybe a problem because I think my soulmate probably lives in the swamp or works in a shipyard or spends a billion life hours in the middle of nowhere. Whatever. We’ll make it work.

But until I have to deal with that, get me out of here ASAP. I’m kind of freaking out. I’ve been freaking out for a year and a half. 4 long months until Alabama.

Oh, what would you do if i showed up at your door just ready to go