Category Archives: pens

I’m About To Quit Sports

Welp. Jordan Staal won’t be coming back. Ever.

A huge part of me hoped that his contract would be for a couple years then the Pens would offer him an awesome deal and he’d come back and everyone would live happily ever after.

It was stupid of me to hope. Not wanting to let go can make you irrational. And now I have to come to terms with the fact that he’s gone for good.

Also, Julian tweeted a picture of Chipotle and that makes me want to fucking kill him. Chipotle envy has turned me into a monster.


Hurricanes Have Apparently Ruined My Day In More Than One Way

Jordan Staal was traded.

Never Forget Where You Come From

I think one of the most important things you need to do when you move away from home and/or get older is to never forget where you come from. This is so critical to me that it’s the second pillar of my “Four Pillars of Living with Integrity.” If I have time at some point, that will be a whole post.

For the purposes of this post, all you need to know is that remembering where you come from helps you stay grounded which is a relatively obvious connection that requires no further delineation currently.

I’m bringing this up right now because Mary has completely lost herself. As evidenced by the fact that she put a freaking NY Islanders license plate holder on her car. ARE YOU KIDDING  ME?!

(I whited out her plate number so you internet creepers can’t stalk her.)

This is beyond disgusting and I feel like I’ve failed as an older sister.

Going to school on Long Island changed her in a lot of ways. She got way more high maintenance. You would not believe how particular this girl is about her clothes, hair, eyebrows, etc. She won’t wear anything less expensive than Uggs on her feet in the winter and can’t eat until she puts on makeup before breakfast… even with the immediate family who saw her almost every day for the first 18 years of her life and knows exactly what she looks like without it and does not judge her at all.

I mean, I’m not a disinterested slob by any means but I can go to Dunkin Donuts with mascara from the day before on my face and an old pair of Converse on my feet without feeling like I’m about to have a panic attack. Caring too much about how you look becomes an unhealthy fixation and that’s not at all how we were raised. Vanity was not part of our upbringing in any way. But… fine… whatever. Become obsessed with how you look. I don’t have to like it but I can tolerate it. If I have to. I guess.

But what’s TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE is supporting any hockey team other than the Pens. What a disgrace. I’m about to disown her.

ESPECIALLY ANOTHER TEAM IN OUR DIVISION. This is so gross. All my happy memories involving Mary are forever tainted. I can’t even talk to her right now.

The boundaries have clearly been breached with this license plate nonsense.

In terms of her new high maintenance tendencies, assessing her level of corruption is somewhat subjective. There are shades of gray in there. You can’t really decisively say that she’s completely given up on her roots based on that type of evidence.

But with team allegiances, it’s like you either are a Pens fan or you aren’t a Pens fan. And you can’t be a Pens fan and an Islanders fan AT THE SAME TIME. So clearly she has decided to no longer be a Pens fan. And that’s not ok.  In our family, you are born a Pens fan and you die a Pens fan. Any other deviation is considered to be an outright betrayal and it’s disloyalty at the highest level. I bet my mother’s heart is broken. She will probably have to skip work tomorrow once she finds out because she probably won’t be able to get out of bed and all the blinds will be closed and the room will be dark and the TV won’t even be on and she won’t be able to eat.

Mary has been corrupted all the way down to the deepest level of her soul. Everyone please pray for her salvation. And anyone know a good Catholic priest with a lot of exorcism experience just in case it comes to that?

Worst To First

This is the greatest 6 minutes currently on YouTube.

It perfectly captures one of the most incredible stories in the history of all sports.

It made me want to jump up and down on my couch with my Terrible Towel.

And that shot at 2:14 is BEAUTIFUL.

Also, I never heard the Ave Maria part before.

And at 5:24, when the guy says, “I think it made Pittsburghers proud to be Pittsburghers,” my eyes welled up.

Now I’m homesick as fuck. For real. This is like a Mary level of homesickness.

I just wanna watch some KDKA before bed.

The wedding is 33 days away. And I cannot wait to come flying through the tunnel and see the city pop out in front of me. And spend the whole weekend downtown surrounded by lifelong yinzers.

The “32 or pregnant” thing still stands.

I cannot possibly settle down in any other place. My love for everything that comes with being a Pittsburgh resident overrides anything else that may be attractive about living in another place. I don’t even care that it just snowed.

It is the only place that’s ever felt like HOME.

And I will forever be proud of my ferocious love for the Steelers, Penguins, and Pirates.

I don’t care that this is actually the most annoying song on the entire planet. It makes my chest hurt from homesicky happiness. And given any opportunity to do so, I will forever be singing it at the top of my lungs with every other Pittsburgher around me.

And the most amazing feeling in the world is that moment when you’re surrounded by people in Steelers gear after a critical touchdown has been scored and everyone is whipping their Terrible Towel around like they never have before. NOTHING can beat that. Absolutely nothing.

To everyone else, we seem crazy. So go ahead and judge us. But I will unashamedly uphold the time-honored traditions of Steeler Nation. It’s been part of my soul since birth.

Let me remind you… It’s not crazy. It’s sports.

Post update: text conversation with my dad

Dad: I don’t do Facebook. Can you email me the URL for the Franco YouTube?
Me: Haha yeah. How do you know about it if you don’t have Facebook?
Dad: Word is passing around the family.

Hahahaha. That is so my family. If you want to know why I am the way I am, look to this as insight into what it’s like to be born into a family of Steelers fans.


Q: A reality show about ballet?

Q: Could this PostSecret have been mine?
A: YES (but it wasn’t)

Q: Is tomorrow going to be a good day for soccer?

Also, that was basically the most horrifically stressful ending to a hockey game I’ve ever seen. But the outcome was good. And Fleury redeemed himself.

Die Then Grow

1) Clinical is pretty damn awesome. Even though it’s lots of sleep deprivation (like yesterday I had a clinical day then 10 hours of clinical paperwork to do afterwards then had to be back at the hospital at 6:30 this morning), I’m calmer and happier than I’ve been in years.

2) Here’s a dose of the Avett Brothers since I haven’t given you one in awhile:

So, I watched as those who ask for love, demanding some respect
Became the last in line to have what they come to expect
As what nobody taught them that they so rightly deserve
And the hums of their misfortune peaked, the hardest lesson learned

3) “I’m still young! But I’m not that young.”

This guy pretty much hits the nail on the head when it comes to describing what it’s like to be 24.

I don’t want to get married. But I can see myself settling down in a few years if I met the right girl.

Used to drink heavily, now it’s a rare occurrence

Doesn’t matter if i stumble, I’m on my parents insurance

Gotta hit the gym ’cause I’m losing my agility

No joke: last summer there was a week where my tailbone hurt for no reason. And I mentioned it to my mom. Her response, verbatim, was:

Well, you’re 24. You’re getting to that age where you start to have aches and pains for no reason.

WHAT?! It was a rude awakening. I kind of felt like those things didn’t happen until you’re 40. And so, on that day, I think I accepted mortality. Feelings of invincibility have long since passed.

4) For the record… I do, in fact like Greg and Donny better than Pittsburgh Dad. But it’s way old news and there are no new episodes. So, why would I blog about it? Hmm? And I’m not sure why people always have to make things a competition between two preferences when there’s nothing wrong with liking both. Also, Pittsburgh Dad is the funniest thing on Twitter.

5) Speaking of the Pens… I couldn’t watch the game due to clinical stuff. But I checked the score when it was over. WHAT HAPPENED?! 10 goals is outrageous. I fell on the floor from happiness and definitely need to see this game at some point in my life.

6) I need a house husband. Duties of a house husband:
– Make me breakfast, pack my lunch, and cook dinner
– Clean the house, run errands, and pay bills
– Record Pens games so I can watch them when I have time
– Work out every day and stay hot
– Give me massages when my upper back hurts from stress

7) Today I learned about cornbread dressing and other differences between Thanksgiving in the south and the one I’ve always known. Food is just better here. In pretty much every way. I mean, baked mac n cheese instead of steamed vegetables?! I CAN’T WAIT FOR THIS. Obviously don’t have enough days off to go home but I’m not sad about it at all anymore.

“I’d Rather Lose As A Penguins Fan Than Win As A Flyers Fan”

So, they lost. No surprises there, I guess. I’m still holding out for a huge comeback. The Pens are gonna be the 5th team in history to pull this off.

Shortly after the game, I realized that I had four textbooks open. And they’d been open for hours. So, I quit temporarily.

This paper isn’t even due until Tuesday. But thank God I was bored and decided to start it early because if I’d started it at the same time tomorrow, it would have been a piece of shit for real and maybe not even completely finished on time. Essentially, we have to explain, in pathological terms,  all the abnormal data from a fake patient’s initial assessment upon being admitted to the hospital. Nursing is not what it used to be. At the end of school, I’ll be on my way to becoming a badass healthcare professional. But for now, I’m buried under 500 pounds of textbook pages.

Anyway, back to the quitting. I decided to invent a new dish during my time away from this paper. Taco Turkey Burgers are about to become a nationwide sensation. The recipe is still in the working phase though because they’re not done yet. I’ll let you know how it all turns out.

I’m afraid to Google this in case someone already invented Taco Turkey Burgers. It would take the wind out of my paper break sails.

Once my dad and I thought we invented horseradish mac n cheese. Then I Googled it. And found out that we definitely did not. Sigh.

Karl understands. Start at 39:52.

Anyway, tonight for dinner if the Taco Turkey Burgers are a huge failure: Asian Baked Tofu. I’m obsessed with everything that has anything to do with sesame flavors. I bought sesame dressing and now basically every food choice I make is dependent upon whether I can put the dressing on it. I think I’m just craving sushi and that’s as close as I can get right now due to budgetary constraints. I think I’m gonna start putting wasabi on everything too.

What I wouldn’t give for one roll of sushi with a light drizzle of magic sushi sesame sauce and a little bit of wasabi on each bite.

Some people have sexual fantasies or fairytale fantasies. I just have food fantasies.

Check it out. The bottom 10% of RNs make $44,190. Good Lord. Even that seems like an outrageously high amount of money to be making as just one person supporting only herself. I’m going to be rich enough to eat sushi every day! Bring it on, mercury poisoning.

I know that sushi isn’t even that expensive. But for real, this is what I’m living off of right now:
– cereal
– rice
– all types of beans
– yogurt
– frozen veggies
– cheap fruits like bananas
– eggs
– pasta
– tuna
– tofu
– either chicken or turkey, depending on what was cheapest that week

Granted, you can combine all that stuff in different ways and use different spices and make a lot of different meals. But at the same time, I anxiously await the day I can go to the grocery store and get whatever I want. Because, for real, I just want to go crazy in the cookie aisle. And eat a steak.