Things That I’m Obsessed With: Tiny House Edition

Disclaimer: I’m way too hungover to blog about the last three days in sports and fantasy football. It would be a long/involved post. I feel nauseous when I think about writing all of that. This is all you get today. Blame the Pirates ❤ (I still don’t think this has totally sunk in yet, by the way. However, if you don’t count blackout drunk hours as life hours, I’ve really only had like six hours to process this so far.)

Re-reading Walden was the worst thing that has ever happened to my sanity. The whole environmentally/ethically conscious thing is a really slippery slope. Flexitarianism is working out really well so I’m more than enthusiastic about making other positive lifestyle changes.

I really feel like this particular tiny house obsession was situationally created by the fact that I feel like biggest asshole for just having purchased a pair of mirror aviator sunglasses… They make me look like a ginger version of this (but with a better face and better clothes/hair):

I put them on and I’m like “I AM SO COOL, but in a douchebag way. And I also look like the bad guy in Cool Hand Luke.” (No, but seriously, I’m the baddest boss bitch in them and they’re awesome)

In life, there needs to be balance though, so I’ve found this tiny house thing to mentally attach my hopes and dreams to right now. I just want to live simply and grow a lot of my own food and not have a lot of fancy possessions. I’ve kind of always wanted that though. These sunglasses are a fluke. Maybe. I also really want the iPhone 5c. I don’t even know who I am anymore.

Anyway, you can either get one that’s mobile or you can get one that’s permanent. I’m all about the permanent variety. Anything that you can tow with a truck  is too small for me to consider as actual daily living space. I would love to live my life on the road, but not like that.

Tumbleweed Houses seems to have the most popular options for permanent establishments. I’m basically IN LOVE with the Whidbey plan. 557 square feet plus loft space. I would totally do the two small lofts instead of one big loft and have an open kitchen/dining/living area.

Thanks to a solid run yesterday, I have now found the lot I would buy in my neighborhood if I was going to build this house. Then I came home and got the lot square footage from Zillow, mathed the dimensions via Google Maps, and priced solar panels for the self-sustainable part. Then I mentally picked out a paint color for the sides and door of the house, placed all my current and future furniture in the layout, decorated the interior, and planned where my driveway, carport, and garden would go.

Provided that New Orleans doesn’t have a stupid thing about square footage in their building code or that my house meets the minimum standard if they do, this is happening at some point.

It would be the ultimate bachelorette pad and my dog would have ample space for play time. The front room would be my office. The back room would have access to the outside and be my laundry/sewing room and also probably be where I kept all the shit that I canned since the kitchen doesn’t really have a ton of space. One loft would be my bedroom. The other loft would be my closet. DREAM LIFE.

I’m reverting back to the period of my life – circa 1995, probably – when I wanted to be an architect and drew nothing but dream houses (and three story dream treehouses with kitchens and bedrooms for all my friends) for approximately a year. Somewhere, there are notebooks full of floor plans done by an eight year old. I don’t actually draw the floor plans anymore. I just find other people’s and mentally accessorize them and then imagine what my life would be like in them. I’m crazy… actually crazy.

Add this tiny house thing to the list of pipe dreams. I do have a pretty high pipe dream realization rate, though. At least 50% of this shit comes true eventually at some point.

My Heart Flew Too Close To The Sun

I had high hopes for this evening.

The Buccos were going to get their 82nd win and end 21 years of sucking. The USMNT was going to continue their hot streak and win another qualifier and potentially clinch their World Cup spot.

I proclaimed that if these two events occurred, it was going to end up being the best 27ish hours of sports I’d ever experienced in my life.

Typical Icarus.

At least Mexico lost.

Also, there were a decent amount of Hondurans and Mexicans watching their game at my soccer pub. In terms of freak out levels, 1 Honduran = 50 Americans. So, that was cool, too. I was happy for them. I also realized that we need to get with it, people. We’re not nearly crazy enough when our team scores goals.

All of these new posts are basically going to be about sports. I really care about nothing else anymore.

Being single is kind of a sport so I guess I can mention that, too.

Some guy tried to hit on me tonight and he kinda looked like a Backstreet Boy because his hair and outfit were perfect in a metro douchey way. In my head, I was like, “You are at a soccer pub and I am a girl wearing a jersey. How do you think this is going to pan out for you?” At least he tried, I guess.

I seriously wish all the dorky/nerdy guys didn’t stay at home as much because I sure would like to meet them.

This Is My Year

Remember when I said that one man can only do so much? Apparently, I was wrong.

I love Peyton Manning more than burritos. I probably love him more than air.

Oh, and for the record, I dumped Baltimore’s defense before the game because that was a poor choice that I knew wasn’t going to ever pay off. I’m back with the week-to-week strategy for now.

Also, all you people who didn’t start Wes Welker can go cry yourself to sleep… especially if you started Eric “Butterfingers” Decker instead. To be fair though, we all thought it was gonna be more of a New Orleans situation where the ball gets spread around a lot (and I still think that’s what will end up happening in future games), so it was a tough call.

And I will admit that I was kind of wrong about Torrey Smith.  He only got .10 points less for me than he was projected to, but I really thought he was gonna have at least one TD and way more receptions. The guy who filled in for Champ Bailey was SOLID. I’m sorry about what I said regarding Denver’s defense. They’re not actually that big of a mess.

Finally… Danny Trevathan. HILARIOUS. But I’m really sorry that that other guy got hurt because of it. I’m also sorry that I obviously don’t know the names of anyone who plays for Denver.

Anyway, that game was damn entertaining. Today was like Christmas. And Christmas did not disappoint. (Although, never does though unless you’re a selfish/high-maintenance person with no soul or you don’t have a family or close friends, in which case, I will happily add you to the list of my family/friends and you can have Christmas with me!)

But the BEST part about this was not the fantasy points… it was absolutely 100% the fact that the Ravens got CRUSHED. Aside from a Steelers win, nothing makes me happier.

It’s gonna be a good year. I can feel it.

PS – For you non-Facebook folks, I finally got my 4F trophy pic together.

2012 Trophy Pic

The gif never panned out because I couldn’t find what I needed for it and I refused to compromise on the vision. I pulled this idea together about 2 hours before it was due and I’m pretty content with how it turned out for what I put into it. “No minute like the last minute,” I always say.

The Misogyny Is Strong With This One

OkCupid is the dregs of online dating. It’s basically a Pokedex of broken people and assholes.

It’s also a totally eye-opening look into the world. I honestly had no idea that so many people had totally reprehensible opinions/ideas regarding women.

For example, today, I found this…

You should message me if:

Looks wise you fall somewhere in between marginally above average and moderately unattractive. Anything higher then that and you’re running the risk of never having to develop a personality or interest because boys liked you anyway.

What the everloving fuck.

Even if it was a joke, it was a really shitty joke.

I Think I Pulled An Andre

This year, I’m in three 10-12 people PPR leagues. Since fantasy football is batshit insanely unpredictable, I decided to run a little experiment and see if we can conclude anything from it.

I drafted very differently in all three with the hope that at least one of these methods will lead me to a 2nd place finish in at least one league.

In the first league, I drafted very safely at the beginning (basically, in the second half of every draft, everything’s a risk on some level). In the second league, I took some calculated risks and drafted a few people a little higher than I should have. In the third league,  I took ALL the risks and this might be a very bleak situation.

I’ve never had a stress ulcer, but I think my team in the third league is going to be the cause of several. I’ve already lost sleep because of it. Trying to sleep earlier was nonstop tossing and turning and “What have I done?” misery. I’m typing this at 3:30AM. Don’t draft right before bed, guys. You need several hours to process the repercussions of your actions. I also had coffee after 7PM, but that hardly counts as a contributing factor in this particular insomnia episode, I feel.

Anyway… the team (not in draft order since I’ve already messed with my Week 1 lineup eight times):

Image

God help me.

Yahoo gave me a D on my draft report card and said I’m going to lose every game. That’s a little harsh/unnecessary, Yahoo. I could say some shitty things about how much it sucks to do anything on your fantasy football site this year thanks to your design updates, but I refuse to stoop to your level. Plus, the people who autodrafted got As and Bs and we all know how that works out every year. I think their report card system is total garbage.

That doesn’t mean I feel okay about any of this, however.

I might probably will need Peyton Manning to be my knight in shining armor. However, one man can only do so much.

Also, since I failed to screenshot the kicker/defense spots, I need to add that Baltimore is my defense in that league. (I know. I feel like throwing up every time I think about it.) We’ll chalk that one up to AFC North bias and usually, drafting Baltimore is a solid move or even a good move. This year, it could be a bad move considering how many things have changed.

Also, my RB situation makes me want to drown myself in Lake Pontchartrain. My brain was like “Don’t do it. Don’t do it. Don’t do it,” right before I drafted every single one of those guys, but my right index finger was like “YOLO.” I have literally zero safe bets at that position.

If DeAngelo Williams doesn’t get his shit together, I definitely am going to drown myself and I’m considering dropping Sam Bradford RIGHT NOW to make space for Ben Tate so that when Arian Foster proves to be a terrible draft pick, at least that base is covered.

I’ll deal with the backup QB situation when week 9 rolls around and hope that nothing happens to Peyton Manning at any point during the season. I don’t believe in keeping backup QBs around anyway, really. If your starting QB goes down at any point, you’re just shit out of luck no matter what you’ve done or will do. You’re not going to win. Why pretend like having a solid backup is going to save you? I still stand by my prediction that Sam Bradford is gonna have a good year, but my pitiful RB situation is already forcing me to make some tough decisions only six hours after the draft ended.

I don’t think my WR situation is as dire (although Yahoo seems to think I lost my mind in that department) but it’s going to take some very careful managing. Setting your WR lineup is almost total guesswork to begin with, so I’m basically going to be freaking out every week and overanalyzing every possible variable. The fact that I feel any hope about these WRs working out for me at all is based on the assumption that they’re all going live up to the potential that I feel they have that no one else agrees with. And I don’t think that’s a good assumption to base anything on.

Like… T.Y. Hilton? WTF is he doing on my team? It was a mix of “I don’t know how I feel about this Reggie Wayne business” and/or “If this goes well, he could be good trade bait.” I don’t totally trust Andrew Luck anyway so I don’t know why I have two Indianapolis receivers in my team. I’m basing this off how those three people were performing at the end of last season and just assuming that they’ll keep improving and I really don’t think that’s really an advisable way to approach this type of stuff… especially since they have a new offensive coordinator. To be honest, I watched zero Colts preseason games.

Also, Miles Austin’s hamstrings better deliver.

On top of everything, we have to count Week 8 as a loss right off the bat since at least half my team has a bye that week. Sometimes I think that’s maybe a good strategy though. Maybe it’s better to take a huge hit one week and know you’re gonna lose by a lot instead of just barely losing for like three to five weeks due to one or two key players having bye weeks each of those three to five weeks. If I haven’t dropped all my players due to incompetency before Week 8, I’ll let you know how this mini-strategy pans out.

That might be my second best idea ever after the whole “get a new defense every week” strategy in leagues without a super competitive waiver situation. The defense thing is obviously a TERRIBLE idea in leagues with waiver limits too, but who the fuck wants to set waiver limits in their leagues? Oh, my ex-boyfriend because he hated that my awesome strategy was effective and he’s a soulless/unfair loser/person.

Anyway… like everything having to do with this particular team, the Week 8 mini-strategy is probably going to be my worst idea ever in reality.

Really, the only thing I do feel really confident about is Peyton Manning. 1) He’s Peyton Manning. 2) His WR situation is bomb.com. Also, drafting Vernon Davis was a pretty legit decision, I think. His stats aren’t gonna be abysmal like they were last year. It’s not an ideal pick, but for some reason, TEs went fast in this league. He was one of my “Oh, shit… I didn’t really plan for this” guys.

Ulcers. Seriously. They’re coming. Every year, I get nothing but stress from fantasy football. It’s not fun. I swear I’m going to quit every year and then I never do. July rolls around and I’ve forgotten how much I hate this and my whole body is like, “I CAN’T WAIT UNTIL DRAFT TIME. I’M GOING TO DIE FROM ANTICIPATION.”

Who created this game? What heartless creature decided that this was going to be a healthy/worthwhile thing for people to do?

I calculated my predicted 2013 fantasy football stress using an arbitrary measurement system of “fantasy football stress units.”

League 1: stress of participating at all (1 unit) + stress of playing with new people (1.5 units) + stress of being the only girl (2 units)
League 2: stress of participating at all (1 unit) + stress of playing with new people  (1.5 units) + stress of being the only girl (2 units) + stress of questionable choices (1.25 units)
League 3: stress of participating at all (1 unit) + stress of playing with some new people (.75 units) + stress of VERY questionable choices (8 units)

League 1: 1 + 1.5 + 2 = 4.5
League 2: 1 + 1.5 + 2 +1.25 = 5.75
League 3: 1 + .75 + 8 = 9.75

4.5 + 5.75 + 9.75 = 20

20 units of stress. My heart is going to stop completely at some point. Probably before the 2nd week of October. I guess the one thing that could prevent that from happening the possibility of my third team being so bad that I give up on them after Week 2.

I know you never accomplish anything great without putting everything on the line, but I’ve maybe gone too far with this one. At the risk of sounding too dramatic, someone please just hold me while I curl up in the fetal position and cry.

The Kate Middleton, Downton Abbey, Nerd Glasses Trifecta

I think I stopped blogging last December for two reasons:

1) I ran out of things to say. Every post from basically August through December should suffice as proof of this.
2) I was busy. Moving then Christmas then New Orleans happened.

However, I’m currently less busy since New Orleans is now my regular life instead of my dream life. I mean, it’s still my dream life, but it finally has a regular rhythm. Also, the fact that I’ve been talking people to death about everything lately probably means that I have a lot to say again.

Although, Saturday is kind of a bad day to re-start blogging because there’s definitely a void when it comes to pressing matters and things of interest. Regardless, I think this will be a good baby step.

1) First, Kate Middleton is unfairly gorgeous just five weeks after giving birth to Prince George. I mean, the day after he was born, she was INSANELY PERFECT for having just given birth, but I thought that maybe that was just some kind of fluke. I’m pretty sure the universe bestows a one-time gift on everyone where you get to look amazing in the most adverse circumstances and I just figured that day was hers. However, during my daily perusal of HuffPost Canada, I came across this.

Goddammit, Kate Middleton. You make the rest of us look like cave trolls. I think it’s obvious that the biggest perk of being a princess is that you somehow get to avoid looking totally slovenly while you’re the mom of a newborn. Royalty must still employ fairy godmothers because real magic is the only explanation for this. NO ONE (seriously NO ONE) looks that good 5 weeks after childbirth.

Postpartum Kate Middleton looks better at a surprise public appearance at some random marathon than the rest of us ever will in our entire lives.

2) Second, the season 4 trailer for Downtown Abbey is out. Thank the heavens. It looks like it’s going to be the best season ever.

I think I’m the only person who was unaffected by whats-his-face’s death at the end of last season. To be totally transparent here, I never really cared for that dude. He had zero personality and the only time in three whole seasons I was ever like, “Okay, this guy’s kinda alright,” was when he took progressive measures to turn the estate around. Plus, the new guy that the trailer seems to suggest is Mary’s next love interest looks totally dashing.

To everyone who was completely in love with what’s-his-face for God knows what reason and was beyond/shocked crushed when he died, I say “Get over it. The show is going to be 1,000x better without him.” Keep in mind that the writers only wrote him out and killed him off because the actor who played him wanted to leave the show. I’m sure that secretly he was like, “My character sucks in every way and I basically have to wake up every day to go be the equivalent of a plain potato in the ethnic aisle of the grocery store right now. I’m over it. For the love of God, let my character die in a car accident at the breakneck speed of 15 MPH or something.”

Just watch that last episode again if you don’t believe me.

“I feel like I’ve swallowed a box of firecrackers.”
– something a person with zero personality says when their kid is born

3) Third, let’s talk about nerd glasses. Remember when you could go out with a guy who wears nerd glasses and it was safe to assume that he was a dorky good person and not a total douchebag? I do. And I seriously regret taking those days for granted because within the last 12 months, shit got real.

As a woman who basically develops an instant crush on every nerd glasses wearer (extra points if they’re tortoiseshell), the fact that times have changed presents a serious challenge.

Since EVERYONE wears them now that they’re “fashionable” instead of dorky, it has become way more difficult to separate the good from the bad in an efficient manner.

Let’s examine this from a bit of a historical perspective. At first, hipsters started the nerd glasses trend to go with the rest of their “ironic/uncool” statement pieces. The birth of this was going on around 2005, I think. Despite their similar spectacles, it was easy to separate the hipsters from the dorks because hipsters had a clearly defined style that identified them as such (in spite of doing everything they could to not have a clearly defined style, of course).

However, almost a decade later, since hipsters have become “cool” like they’ve always secretly wanted to be, nerd glasses have basically taken over. And since nerd clothes and nerd glasses-wearing douchebag clothes are not really too different, you actually have to seriously interrogate people before you agree to go out with them.

Side note: I’m obviously not talking about the graphic-T wearing type of douchebag here because those are still very easy to spot. I’m talking about the ones who wear button downs and chinos with sneaks and things like that.

The worst part is that I’m sure a ton of the douchebags previously got Lasik eye surgery and are therefore wearing non-prescription nerd glasses. That’s going out of your way to be a douche masquerading as a nerd. Something that’s used functionally by some people should never be used as an accessory to other people who don’t need to use it functionally, in my opinion.

And actually, if you think about it, douchebags have kind of adopted a lot of the “nerd casual” style. (I just coined that phrase. Contact me for permission to use it, fashion bloggers.) Sneakers with semi-nice clothes were a nerd invention. You used to expect that from people who were sitting around working out physics formulas in the lab and not people who hit on other people’s girlfriends while they have a girlfriend of their own to prove that they still “have game” and things like that.

Especially now that hipsters have reintroduced plaid to the world, there are literally zero defining style lines between douchebag and nerd. It’s like hipsters took facets of nerd casual and then, along with the inspiration of vintage looks, homeless people, overpriced 80s/90s style championed by American Apparel, and whatever socioeconomic/cultural subset weird hats come from, they incorporated it into their eclectic “I don’t care” look and then got cool enough to ruin every distinction between nerd and douchebag because douchebags wanted to further their “avant-garde, but retro/uncool” coolness like the hipsters had going on and the douchebags ultimately adopted the nerd-derived trends. #extremerunonsentence

Since nerds don’t pay attention to any of this, they’re just going about their daily lives without realizing that they look like all the cool people and if they do realize that they look like all the cool people, they don’t care enough to differentiate themselves since the whole premise behind nerd casual is that you just don’t give a crap (and it’s not in the hipster “I’m trying to look like I just don’t give a crap, but I actually care way more than anyone ever” way). Nerds weren’t uncool because they were anti-cool. Nerds were uncool because the world said they were uncool.

Anyway, what happens now is that when I encounter a guy in nerd glasses, my brain is totally confused. The part with sense is like “You can’t judge a person based on his glasses anymore,” but the part that’s still wired to the previous norm just entirely ignores the sense part. Perhaps douchebags have figured this out. Maybe they know that they can ride the “I’m a nice guy” first impression for a long time before we discover the truth sometimes. It’s a strategy. Nerd glasses should never be part of a strategy.

I need nerds to temporarily and uncharacteristically take a fashion stand and reclaim their glasses ASAP and I also need douchebags to move on to something else. I feel like I’m living in the Men in Black world where aliens are disguised as people.

The weekend consequences are always severe. I have to come up with excuses to prematurely/abruptly exit a lot of situations. The worst part is that since I’m so on edge, sometimes I mistake a nerd for a douchebag at the slightest indication of any minor douchey behavior. (This was the entire month of May 2013)

It’s a messed up apocalyptic world we’re living in, people. Elitist/misogynistic douchebags now parade around like they’re dorks with hearts of gold.

I don’t know if this is fixable and/or it’s just something that will pass in time. However, I do know that with a present solution, every woman with this problem needs to up her game and be extra careful. Stay smart. Stay strong. #solidarity

Why You’re Wrong

During a thunderstorm one late summer afternoon several years ago, I advised one of my friends to wait until the storm was over to take a shower. He ignored my advice, under the assumption that the whole “don’t shower in thunderstorms” thing was based on some kind of urban myth. Everyone agreed that the suggestion was probably unfounded. I told them that it wasn’t. He showered anyway and lived.

Ever since that day, these “friends” have gone out of their way to find opportunities to relentlessly call me out for “believing in a stupid urban myth” and being the badass that I am, I’ve ignored the social pressure to concede.

Today, I stumbled upon proof that I have always been right regarding this matter. Mental Floss posted this scientifically-backed response to some girl’s question about whether or not it’s totally safe to shower in a thunderstorm. If you can’t trust Mental Floss, who can you trust?

Despite the fact that I now have relatively solid evidence on my side, these “friends” have continued to argue that they’re still correct. Today, I’m resuming the blog project to address this matter once and for all.

This is what the Mental Floss response said:

Take a shower or a bath or even start washing a load of dishes at the kitchen sink, though, and you open up the possibility that, given the option, you might be the better conductor for electricity to flow through. Metal is a good conductor and, like we already said, electricity from lightning strikes can and does flow through buildings’ metal pipes. The water flowing through these pipes—as nice as your local tap water might be—also contains impurities that help conduct the current.

Arguments that have been made against me today, as people grasp at straws to come up with some sort of defense for themselves:

1) “You said that he was going to die if he showered.”

My initial argument on that day was NOT that there’s a high likelihood of a person being harmed by the electrical current of a lightning strike while showering in a thunderstorm because there’s not a high likelihood of that. I’m sure people shower during thunderstorms all the time and we never hear about anyone dying because the likelihood is low. If the likelihood was high, there wouldn’t be people who believe this phenomenon is an urban myth because a ton of people would have been severely harmed or died this way. Since this is blatantly obvious, I would never say anything like that.

However, since I can’t go back to that day and get a recording of the conversation, there’s no proof that that wasn’t what I said. If you want to claim that that’s what I said just so you can argue for the sake of arguing, that’s on you. You’re ruining the nature of the game because now no one can ever win and so there’s no point in playing. If that’s all you’ve got, we’re at an impasse. That weakass excuse for an argument also makes it very clear that you know that I’m right, even if you won’t admit it. Therefore,  I’m going to feel good about my superiority.

For the record, what I actually said was that this person should wait until after the storm was over because the electrical current of a lightning strike could make its way through the water supply and pipe infrastructure directly to the person so it’s safer to shower when there’s not a severe storm occurring right above the house. I didn’t get into the actual science-y details, but Mental Floss has nicely and succinctly presented them. My only argument was that it’s safer to shower when it’s not storming than when it is storming because of the aforementioned reason. This brings me to the next stupid claim…

2) “You’re only right because people have a higher likelihood of dying via lightning doing anything when it’s storming. If there’s no lighting, you can’t die from it. If there is lightning, your chances are obviously higher.” (That’s a paraphrased/combined version of several people’s arguments that were similar in nature)

I have no idea why everything comes down to a stupid technicality lately. Don’t try to take this win away from me with that bullshit. Thank you for finally admitting that I’m right, though, even if it’s in a backhanded way. You’re being much more adult about this than others (e.g. Drew).

You know that this was not my point. My point was that you have somewhat of an increased chance of being struck by lightning if you’re showering during a storm than if you were showering after the storm BECAUSE OF the properties of water and electrical currents and the infrastructure that makes the water supply to the shower happen and THIS POINT, specifically, is what no one believed and everyone made fun of me for and claimed to be an urban myth.

My point had nothing to do with the fact that you technically have a higher chance of being struck by lightning doing anything when there’s lightning happening around you than when there’s not. That’s dumb. Why would someone even care enough to make an argument like that? You could basically argue against almost anything like that. It’s basically like saying “Well, anything can happen.” That’s bullshit. That’s the biggest bullshit of all time.

Let’s say Drew was eating a hot dog and he wasn’t chewing it enough before he swallowed and I advised him to chew more thoroughly to prevent a choking incident and then everyone said, “People choking on hot dogs is an urban myth,” and then I showed you an x-ray of someone who had a piece of hot dog stuck in his right bronchus after a choking incident that occurred because he admittedly had not been chewing it into small enough pieces . If you were going to make an argument similar to your dumb lightning one, you would say “You were only right because people have a higher likelihood of choking on a hot dog if they’re eating a hot dog.”

Technically, you’d be right. If you’re not eating food, you can’t choke on it. However, if you had made that argument during the initial discussion, I wouldn’t have said you were wrong because that wasn’t my goddamn argument.

So, in this second part of the lightning situation, I wasn’t “only right” because you’re just trying to broaden the argument or whatever. I’m not even right or not right about that because it was never part of the issue until today and I never said it was true or false. I don’t even know what you’re trying to accomplish with this. There are no words that can form a sentence that accurately describes what you’re doing by saying that. Wait, I thought of one… “You’re being an idiot.”

You could choke or die at any time for no fault of your own doing almost anything. You’re more likely to choke when you’re eating. You’re more likely to die via lightning when it’s thunderstorming. However, there are better/safer ways to eat and choose thunderstorm activities and measures you can take to decrease the likelihood of an incident. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to take these minor changes/approaches into consideration.

You’re basically changing the subject from one argument that I was actually making to an argument that’s somewhat relevant (I guess…), but not the one that I’m proving to be right which is the one that you people have said is an urban myth for years. That stupid argument up there was never part of the picture until today when I had science and a reputable source on my side and yinz were trying desperately and pathetically to still be “right.”

Side note: Even if that’s logically all well and good, from a practical standpoint, you’re not actually more likely to get struck by lightning inside when it’s storming than when it’s not storming (unless you’re showering or using water that’s coming from the plumbing or talking on a non-cordless phone or using any electronic device that’s plugged into the power supply without a surge protector). Let’s be honest.

Normally, if lightning hits a house or other building, its inhabitants are pretty well protected.

3) “Even if you die from the electricity of the lightning strike in your shower, it’s not really ‘being struck by lightning.'”

The M-W definition of lighting…

: the flashing of light produced by a discharge of atmospheric electricity; alsothe discharge itself 

The discharge itself is the electrical current, dumbasses. It’s not being struck by lightning in the “getting directly hit while standing in an open field with nothing around you way,” but it’s still getting struck by lightning. You’re just getting struck with it indirectly instead of directly. This third argument is at the highest level of irrelevant bullshitty straw-grasping.

In conclusion, I never said that this nameless friend (Drew) was going to die or even probably going to die. In fact, I’m glad he didn’t die, contrary to popular belief. All I said was that there is an increased likelihood of injury and death when showering during thunderstorms – not even that it was a high likelihood, but that it was higher than waiting until after the storm passed – and that there were scientific reasons behind my concern.

I hope you all are crying right now. I hope your asshole hurts a little bit more than it used to. If it doesn’t, you live at a level of denial that I refuse to stoop to and therefore, I will not continue this conversation any further.

This isn’t an urban myth. It’s a real thing. It’s not a likely or probable thing, but it’s a real thing. You’re wrong. You’re wrong. You’re wrong.