A Turning Point In American History

Everyone should wrap themselves in an American flag and run through the streets right now.

Clint Dempsey pulled off a hat trick today vs. Newcastle. Why is this a big deal? He was the FIRST AMERICAN to do it in a Premier League game. USA USA USA!

I’m wondering if it’s overkill to wear my Dempsey jersey every day this week.

To me, this is like Neil Armstrong walking on the moon. One small step for Clint Dempsey, one giant step for American soccer players and fans.

Soccer is the greatest game ever invented. It does seem kind of boring at first. But then as you watch more of it, and you’re able to take it all in, you start to pick up on the subtleties that make it the most exciting thing you will ever watch. Even if only 1 goal is scored the whole time, a regular game is so intense/emotional/heartbreaking/exhilarating. It makes people fall off couches and dance on bars.

I need more people to love it. Like if you think watching a Steelers game with yinzers at any yinzer bar in Pittsburgh is an exciting time, you should watch a soccer game with any group of non-Americans when their favorite team is on. I was in Chile for a few of their World Cup qualifier games. That’s the moment I knew I was in love. A lifetime of growing interest became full-blown love at some point during that summer.

There are some rabid soccer fans in the US too. It’s just kind of difficult to find them. If you live in Pittsburgh, Piper’s is the place to be. I don’t think there’s anything like that even close to Mobile, unfortunately.

I’ve tried to arbitrarily pick a Premier League team to love but since I have no real ties to any of the teams, it’s just not the same. I still love to watch it because it’s beautiful and mindblowing but I’m never really emotionally invested in it. I kind of passively follow MLS soccer but it’s kind of the same deal. I don’t really have a team because they’re relatively few and far between and also, the skill level is obviously not at the Premier League level. It’s like watching any college sports game between two teams you don’t care about. Still cool if you’re interested in that sport, but not really as exciting/engaging.

I need more people in the US to care so that we can have all kinds of formidable players and more more MLS teams and more sponsorship and game attendance. Get interested then throw money at it! Because it will be just as cool/profitable to play here as in Europe.

And most importantly, we’ll win the World Cup. The day we win the World Cup will actually be the best damn day of my life. Forget all those other life landmarks like the day you get married and the day you buy your first house and the day your first kid is born and the day you get promoted to CEO. When the US men’s team wins the World Cup, I am going to quit my job and celebrate for an entire month. And I don’t care if I’m 90 when it happens. This is going to happen in my lifetime. I refuse to die until I see it happen.

I was too young to remember when the women did it in 1991. But I sure as hell remember when they did it in 1999. It inspired a nation. And as a (just barely) 12 year old girl, it inspired me to just be awesome in general. On July 10, 1999, I learned that women are just as badass as men. I think the women on that team are still my heros. This is how I feel every time I accomplish something awesome:

(That’s iconic shit. I wish it was more appropriate to rip off your shirt in public and drop to the ground. I’d probably do it a lot.)

ESPN says they’re still the best, too.

The women’s team won again in 2003. And almost won last year. That quarterfinal game was absolutely THE BEST thing I have ever watched. I’ve never felt such explosive joy and maybe never will again. I’ve never gone from “Oh my God, this is hopeless and I’m OUTRAGED” (because there was ALL KINDS OF BS going down in that game) to “HOLYFUCKINGFUCKICANTBELIEVETHEYPULLEDTHATOFFOURTEAMISAMAZINGANDNOONEELSECOULDHAVEDONETHATTHISISTHEBESTDAYOFMYLIFEUSAUSAUSA” so fast in my life.

10 players from the 66th minute to the end? NO PROBLEM. I still get all riled up about this obviously. I could rewatch that game over and over and over again. Pretty sure I had a 10 foot vertical jump that day. I also remember just collapsing on the floor after it was all over. I probably shed a tear. The moment is forever burned into my brain. It’s PROOF that you can overcome situations that are blatantly unfair and still succeed. I haven’t given up on anything since.

Then they beat France (psh, easy) but lost to Japan in the final. Sad. Until I found out that the women on Japan’s national team only practice at night and basically have to keep part-time jobs on the side to pay the bills because they don’t sell a lot of tickets to games and don’t get endorsements or sponsorships or anything due to lack of popularity. (http://hararie-japan-tokyo-tokyo.com/japanese_culture/2011/08/post-1.html)

Plus, there was the whole tsunami thing and it was a huge morale boost for the country. Sometimes it’s ok for my team to lose. This is one of those times. Job well done, Japan.

Anyway, soccer… love it, please. More fans –> more players –> more good players –> more teams. I want an MLS team to live and die by. For awhile, I was kind of a Liverpool fan by default just because Matt is arbitrarily a Liverpool fan. Since that was the only reason I rooted for them, I obviously could care less about them at this point. Maybe I’ll become a Chelsea fan. That would be cathartic.

Back to Clint Dempsey. Can I get a print of this for my office?

That’s him scoring the 3rd goal. THAT’S HISTORY.

Start watching some US men’s games. Even if you actually end up not liking soccer, you can at least have a good time watching Tim Howard yell at the subpar backfield every time they fail. I love Tim Howard. He saves our ass all the damn time. We’d be nothing without him. He’s so good. SO GOOD.

In other sports news… Pens game last night. I didn’t watch it but after my phone started blowing up, debilitating homesickness set in because I wanted so badly to have been watching it with everyone. Sports-related things are responsible for 99% of my acute homesickness episodes. It was an explosive joy type of game, apparently. As we all know, those are my favorite. I only saw the highlights. But they were damn good highlights. First of all, Letang is BACK and so are the Pens. Praise Jesus. Second of all, MALKIN FOR MVP! Incredible performance. And he’s scored 8 goals in the last 10 games or something like that. I think I need to name my first kid Geno. That’s probably something you have to bring up right after the proposal while your husband-to-be is still elated (immediately after he proposes… basically during the actual proposal). This is how the scenario plays out in my head…

– Of course I’ll marry you. We’re going to name our first kid Geno.
– I love you so much that it doesn’t matter. And let’s name the dog Letang.

And now, here’s something that’s not sports related at all. Geography lesson!

Where is Alabama? I think y’all need some assistance with this.

Drew called me the other day. The beginning of the conversation went like this…

Drew: When do you have a 4 day weekend or any time off? We have to go to Odessa.
Me: Where the hell is that?
Drew: Texas. I figured that since you live in Alabama, I could just get you on the way.
Me: Do you know where Alabama is?
Drew: Close to Texas.
Me: Not really. There are TWO states in between. It takes like 8 hours to get to just the state line, I think. Why do we need to go anyway?
Drew: Grandma Lane was born there. I need to connect with my roots. She hasn’t been back since the late 70s. I think it’d be cool to meet some new extended family and see if her old house is still there. And I need to get out of NY. I’ve also heard good things about the taco trucks.

While he’s talking about this, I’m Googling Odessa. It’s almost on the other freaking side of the state.

Me: It’s a 16 hour trip from Mobile!
Drew: What really? I looked at it on a map. It didn’t seem like it’d be that long. I thought you said it was 16 hours from Pittsburgh to Mobile. It can’t be that long from Mobile to Odessa.
Me: DO YOU KNOW HOW BIG TEXAS IS?
Drew: No, but how do you? You’ve never been there before either.
Me: … Well, it looks pretty damn big on a map. And Google confirmed that it’s pretty damn big.
Drew: Ok, so not happening during a 4 day weekend. Maybe a half-day trip after ACL Fest?

(Austin is 6 hours from Odessa, according to Google Maps. Sigh.)

And then today, Kelly was like “I just looked at a map and Alabama is not where I thought it was. Definitely going to apparate,” when she was looking into travel options for visiting me in April.

I love you guys. Forever.

However, so that there’s no more confusion as to where I’ve gone, here’s a map of the United States of America. Alabama is circled in red. Everyone take note of where it is in reference to you. Pennsylvania and New York are circled in green. For Drew, Texas is circled in blue. (Notice how much bigger the Texas circle is compared to Alabama. And even the circle that includes both New York AND Pennsylvania.

Also, Drew… please make sure you look at a map of the world before you suggest that we go find your long lost relatives in Veracruz and swim across the Gulf of Mexico to get there.

It also maybe needs to be noted that Mobile is at the very bottom of Alabama. Here’s a map in case you have any questions about the actual location of my city. It’s circled in red.

Things That I’m Obsessed With: Octopus Edition

1) They’re freaky/terrifying as hell and I’m incessantly fascinated most by the things that scare the shit out of me.
2) They’re beautiful. Proof.
3) They’re super intelligent. Nastily advanced nervous systems. You can’t legally operate on them without anesthesia in some countries.
4) They’re kind of autonomous and badass. They’re very free creatures who solitarily roam the open ocean being smart and killing things and adapting in the most impressive ways to survive. I’m jealous of their ability to live in water. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.
5) Females die protecting the eggs. Even if the sacrifice is for evolutionary rather than emotional reasons, that still makes them fierce mama bears and I totally respect that.
6) They can eat sharks. WTF!!!!

Articles about octopus behavior/intelligence (basically from just a two second Google search that you could have done for yourself):
– What Behavior Can We Expect of Octopuses? I love that there’s a whole website devoted to cephalopods! I bookmarked it immediately.
– Through the Eyes of an Octopus Their brain WRAPS AROUND THEIR ESOPHAGUS. That’s weird, yo.
– What is this Octopus Thinking?
–  Are Octopuses Smart? I want to have one as a pet. Like a dog. They’re probably totally capable of playing fetch. I’d made it learn all kinds of cool tricks like shake and sit and roll over. Speaking of which…
– Behind the Meme: Secrets of Octopus Intelligence More comparisons to dogs.
– An Octopus’ Intelligence Compared to the Dog. Even more comparisons to dogs. And sweet jesus, I need to get that book. All those goofy Jacques Cousteau videos we watched in 3rd grade truly made my life.

When one thinks of how long it takes to teach a dog something as simple as sitting up or shaking hands, one must admit that an octopus learns very quickly; and that above all, it teaches itself. We did not show it what to do. With a dog, it takes months of patient work before the animal will do what one wants it to do. The difference between a dog learning and an octopus learning is the difference between training an animal and allowing an animal to exorcise its intelligence in determining the means to be used to overcome an obstacle in certain circumstances.
– Jacques Cousteau, Octopus and Squid: The Soft Intelligence

This is what I envision what my life with an octopus would be like:

Courtesy of Deanna Molinaro. Someday I’m actually going to buy the print because I’ve been wanting it forever.

My biggest fear about having an octopus as a pet is that it would get out of its tank (which they do all the time in captivity because they’re super smart like that) and like creep (like this) into to my bed do evil octopus things in the night while I sleep and I would wake up 2 seconds before my death to feel, in my last moment of life, only sheer octopus-induced terror. Which is ENTIRELY unrealistic but that’s the only thing I’d be able to think about if I had one in my house. Plus, they need the ocean. Seeing them in their little zoo aquarium spaces always makes me kind of joyless. I stare at them forever though so I’m part of the problem by basically reinforcing the fact that zoos have them because people want to see them.

Paul the Octopus had an ok situation, I think. He was adored by the entire world. Paul single-handedly combined my love for octopuses and soccer and I’ll love him forever. RIP, dude.

This is one of my all-time favorite YouTube videos. Pulpos: Suave Inteligencia. That’s freaking ridiculous. The combo of Spanish and octopuses being smart is unbeatable. If I was stranded on a desert island and could only take one YouTube clip, that might be it. Or maybe this. Things that I’m obsessed with: UZoo Channel Edition.

Finally, the thing that sparked this whole entry was the video that Ben sent me today. My first thought was that kayak fishing on the ocean is definitely something I need to do regularly. I feel like it would terrify me and I’m not sure why but that makes me really excited to do it and now I probably won’t stop thinking about it for 3 days. My second thought was some semblance of a freak out regarding what I would do if I caught a goddamn octopus and it’s huge tentacles were 2 inches away from my body while I sat low to the water in my kayak. My third thought was complete devastation that the asshole killed the octopus, even if it was accidental. The lifeless and defeated way it just hung there on the line was traumatic. They’re so beautiful and seeing one like that is the most tragic thing in the world. I really can’t even deal with people who don’t catch and release their fish. Things that probably influence my feelings on the issue: the emotional attachment I have to Hootie my goldfish, the fact that I saw a bluegill struggle and die at my grandparents’ pond at the tender age of four because my cousin couldn’t get it off the hook fast enough, and this (skip to 1:52-2:14). The Little Mermaid also probably significantly impacted my life in other ways but there’s enough discussion in that can of worms for a whole other entry.

Anyway, to conclude, that one YouTube video of the octopus being caught could win an Academy Award for all the emotions it made me feel in two short minutes.

And WHY THE HELL was that creeping octopus on land from the other video delivering that crab to those people? I don’t think anyone will ever know. Octopuses behaviorally are weird and advanced. That’s the take home message here.

I Just Want You Near Me Like You Are Now For Good

That’s a sweet sentiment. I love love love Tinfoil Hats.

It makes me hopeful about life. It makes me not want to settle. I can’t settle again. It’s better to be alone than settle for something that’s not everything you want.

Relatedly, my need to get out of this city and/or maybe all cities is overwhelming. I really think it has to do partially with the fact that I could go to the middle of Wyoming where no one lives and actually scream my face off for 10 minutes and no one would know. But also, more to do with the fact that after shutting down crucial parts of myself to be in a relationship with Matt, the repressed interests and thoughts and feelings are now coming out so uncontrollably fast and hard that I don’t know how to keep it in check.

We seriously argued about the stupidest stuff that really was just a reflection of us being totally different people with completely different interests and backgrounds.  In order to prevent the arguing, I had to ignore crucial parts of myself and not act certain ways and modify my interests. Because of this, I know exactly what I do and do not want in a guy. So I can really only be happy at this point. I feel like I dodged some kind of bullet. Like maybe I got out just in time before that point where I would get too far in. Like I was dangerously close to the event horizon of a black hole and almost never came out again.

And now I’m kind of living like someone who almost died. I know that sounds super dramatic but that’s how I feel sometimes. It was nearly the death of myself. And that’s maybe almost scarier than dying for real. When you die for real, you just cease to exist. When your true self dies, you have to live as someone else for the rest of your days and time drags on and you’re never really happy/fulfilled.

I’m 50% country and 50% city. It’s a dead even split. I grew up in the country so I need the wilderness down to the very core of my being. I kind of freak out in the city. I don’t know what to do with myself and get easily upset by certain things. Like smelling truck fumes when I’m running and not being able to see the stars when I want to. But then again, I know how much it sucks to live in a small town and what it’s like to want to experience new things and meet new people. So when I’m back in that small town for an extended period of time, I freak out then too. Essentially, I’m always only half content. 50% bliss, 50% freaking out. It’s really a miserable existence sometimes. Pittsburgh is actually ok. It’s city enough that you can spontaneously do almost anything and I could go to 7 shows a week if I wanted to but it’s also surrounded by three epic rivers and it was kind of built in the middle of the woods so it still kind of feels like that’s where you are. Western PA woods are the best kind also. Plus it’s neighborhoody so kinda has a small town feel sometimes. And after being here for 6 years, it’s really weird to realize how many people I know or know of. Desi and I went out on a date with the same guy and didn’t even realize it until after it happened. My bank teller realized that he lives in my old apartment. Shit like that. Everyone knows everyone.

Anyway, for the last billion weekends before this one, I left for some kind of country adventure whether it was visiting my extended family or driving to State College and back. And during those weeks I felt stable and balanced for the most part. So obviously the 50/50 thing is necessary. That’s why I think I’ll love Salt Lake City if I end up there. I feel like there are a million adventurers in Utah. Chill people who just like to hike and ski and kayak. Mary seems to think that’s where my soulmate is. More specifically, he’s probably at the Patagonia outlet (which, by the way, is absolutely amazing she says). Our eyes will meet in the ski pants aisle and that will be the start of happily forever.

Man wish list:
– At least 6’0″
– Outdoorsy in every way. Like would go camping and/or to the lake every weekend if he could.
– Kinda scruffy but in a well-maintained sense. Flannel shirts all the way. I’ve weirdly only been attracted to guys with facial hair lately.
– Absolutely honest/open about everything and truly believes that’s the only way to live. You can’t force someone to have this value or learn to be that way. They either can or they can’t. They do or they don’t. Don’t waste your time thinking they’ll change and/or come around and/or warm up to the idea.
– Brown eyes. They make me melt. Green and hazel are tolerable. Blue eyes are gross.
– Liberal political tendencies
– Humble, altruistic, loves people/the environment/the world/life
– Good at engineering and/or good at making/fixing stuff
–  Coaches little kids soccer
– Drives a Jeep. We need something to tow the boat with. Also, I’ve been Jeep brainwashed. My parents have always had one for as long as I can remember. And the best days of my life were spent on roadtrips in Tim’s Wrangler. Speaking of roadtrips…
– Must love roadtrips (and be good at them… stops infrequently, sings along with the Ryan Adams, knows how to pack a car, etc.) and also love good roadtrip music. Speaking of music…
– Must love alt-country and punk and everything from the 90s and just music in general. If you don’t go to a lot of shows, I can’t be with you. Because that’s all I want to do.
– Has siblings and is best friends with them. At least one of them has to be a sister. Guys without sisters are emotionally inept.
– Dog person. No cats. Ever.
– Likes good beer and whiskey. Also not a lightweight. I can drink a lot. You better be able to keep up.
– Wants to have 4 kids and is open to a few or all of them being adopted
– Has broad shoulders and tan man arms/hands/wrists
–  Can put up with the fact that I’m motivated and fiercely independent and hard to deal with sometimes especially at the beginning when I have walls. Once I trust you enough not to destroy my heart, I’m the most affectionate/low-maintenance girlfriend ever, I swear
– Can put up with the fact that I love to laugh and be unserious/ridiculous and also that I still have a huge imagination
– Knows that I have the potential to do amazing things for the world with my huge capacity to love and encourages/supports/pushes me the whole way to get things done. The greatest loves are those that make you an even more exceptional person than you ever thought you could be.
– Wants to have as many random experiences and see as many places as possible before we die together when we’re 95
– Knows that life is about way more than just making money and that it’s better to find a career that fits the life you want instead of making your life fit around your career
– Sees right through my shit and makes me accountable for it
– Does not have rich parents. I could write a book on why. But for now, just take my word for it.
– Remembers my birthday every year. I don’t even need a party or a present or a nice dinner or anything. You just have to say Happy Birthday and acknowledge that I’m one year older and happy about it. I don’t care about the whole anniversary thing or any other date that might be important. You just have to care that I’ve successfully lived another year and be happy that I’m around.
– Wants to settle down in Pittsburgh when we’re ready for that type of thing. My kids need to be close to my family and the farm. I want them to be able to have the experience of partially growing up there.
– Believes in lazy Sundays. Reading, cooking, chilling on the porch swing, watching football, napping in the hammock, etc.

I have yet to meet a guy that’s all those things. I don’t think I’ve met a guy that even comes close. Maybe I’m asking for too much. Like the soccer coaching is probably a stretch. And I could just buy a Jeep for myself. But… in general, that’s what I’m looking for. And Matt was so far off of that. And honestly, those things haven’t really changed from when I was 17 so I don’t know what I was doing. We had weirdly amazing chemistry that I got caught up in then it turned into love so even though we had seriously fundamental differences, it lasted a long time. And now I’ve learned a ridiculously critical lesson which I am grateful for and it’s only going to get better from here.

I can’t wait to find the guy that’s all those things or close to all those things. I want to listen to Tinfoil Hats and look this hypothetical person and know that we’re happy in every way on ever level.

Kid, I’m gonna be with you longer than the world can stand
‘Cause there’s a light that’s stronger
Shining out of your eyes
I see it

And even if I never find this ideal man I’m so so happy just being single that it’s totally ok. If I only ever have a dog and a boat, I’ll consider my life successful/happy/fulfilled. As I said, it’s better to be alone than settle for something that doesn’t make you happy in every way. The point of existence is to live happily and it’s very possible to be more unhappy than happy when you’re with the wrong person.

I’m exploding with life and love and hope. Yeah, there’s underlying anger there. But it actually is going away. I’m not a dweller. It’s time to put my brave face on and just expect that he’s going to continue to be a dick and make me upset and so I’m going to find a way to move past it and live my life and not let it bother me.

The miles and miles of hostility running definitely helps too.

Songs For Staying In

Exhaustion on every level. I might not make it out for the second night in a row and this makes me feel super lame. Happy Valley is the cause. WORTH IT.

The game was a blow out. Granted, they were playing Eastern Michigan but it’s still nice to see PSU kick ass. Plus, any day I spend with Binks is a good one. He’s the best little brother a person could hope to have. When I hugged him goodbye, we realized we’ve seen each other for the last 4 weekends in a row. That never happens. Ever. I went home for Labor Day then there was PSU/Alabama then home again then the game today. And we have a family thing in Reynoldsville next weekend and the weekend after that is PSU/Iowa. That’s a total of 6 weekends in a row. Usually, we go 6 months without seeing each other. Penn State brings families together. That’s the take-home lesson from this.

Anyway, the drive from Pittsburgh to State College is one of the most gorgeous road trips you can venture upon. Especially in the fall. I-99 around the Altoona area is breathtaking. You’re basically on top of a mountain and you can see for miles across the tops of other mountains. And the big wind turbines are beautiful. RENEWABLE ENERGY! All I want to do is build a house on top of one of those mountains and live happily ever after. In my normal self-sabotage way, this made me question whether I really need to go south to be happy. Everything I’ve ever wanted is here. Maybe. I’m just doing that destructive second guessing thing again I think. Alabama/Louisiana soon, house on a mountain later. I have the rest of my life for that. Limitless New Orleans crazy times can only be enjoyed during a short window of time. Basically, your 20s. And anyway, you can’t live on the top of a mountain AND live on a body of water so that conflicts with the pier/boat dreams. I guess I could have two houses, but that seems unnecessary. I’d rather take the money I would use for a second house and do something good for the world. The best plan is probably do one at a time. Like have a mountain house then a water house or vice versa. Or move between the two. This is quickly becoming absolutely unrealistic.

I think I just love the earth.

The more I type here, the more tempted I am to stay in. Sometimes it’s just nice to chill. Obviously, it’s nicer to chill if you have someone to snuggle with. But being single has a trillion benefits and I’m more than content because being single means that there’s no mess to deal with in my life right now and that makes me feel free and happy and infinite every day. Relationships are nothing more than messes. Wow, that’s shockingly pessimistic. Bleh, what is wrong with me? I wish I could kick the negativity.

Moving on… Favorite staying in activity: watching documentaries on Netflix. I want to cancel my Netflix account so badly especially since it got way more expensive (and what’s up with that whole “splitting into two services” thing?). But I can’t. Not when it shows me a specific category of options titled “Understated Documentaries” (what does that even mean?) and I realize that I want to watch all of them.

Here’s the list:
– Microcosmos
– Ingredients
– The Warning
– Mugabee and the White African
– Unmistaken Child
– Colony
– Objectified
– Up the Yangtze
– Picasso and Braque Go to the Movies
– Russian Revolution in Color
– Sound and Fury
– The Listening Project
– The Fall of Fujimori
– High Lonesome: The Story of Bluegrass Music 

I don’t even know which one I would watch tonight because they all seem awesome.

And this is the “based on your interest in” list from the selections above:
– God Grew Tired of Us **
– Man on Wire **
– The Cove
– The Business of Being Born
– Food, Inc.**
– The Buddha
– The Human Experience
– The Art of the Steal **
– Exit Through the Gift Shop

The documentaries that are starred are the ones that you absolutely have to see because they’re phenomenal.

Ok, it’s no contest at this point. Staying in: 1, going out: 0. Well, at least that’s the score for tonight. I think the lifetime total is… staying in: 11, going out: 7,381.

I hope this doesn’t become a pattern of unsociable/nerdy behavior. It’s bad enough that I read National Geographic… but documentaries on a Saturday night? Ugh.

Actually, I choose not to care. Do what you want. Be yourself. Love the simple things. Strategically, I should be out roaming the city for a potential new guy. But honestly, I’m totally content with being alone right now. And realistically, any guy I actually want to date is probably also at home watching documentaries on Netflix so we’d never find each other anyway because that’s how the universe works. And historically, finding a new guy has never been a huge part of my going out agenda. My priorities are 1) having a great time with my friends and 2) drinking. The South Side is full of bros anyway. And Lawrenceville is full of hipsters. And Greenfield is full of guys who have their shit together. And Oakland is full of college kids. And Shadyside is full of annoying guys who have their shit way together. And Bloomfield is a little crazy but it’s my favorite right now. (Squirrel Hill is weirdly ok for meeting new guys)

Plus, there’s no shame in taking it easy after you were gone all day. Especially if the next day is going to be outrageously busy as well. Premier League soccer –> Little Italy Days (I love Pittsburgh) with the Bloomfield crew –> BBQ at my Greenfield house –> Steelers game into the night (location TBD).

PS – the 9/24/11 road trip album: Ode to Sunshine by Delta Spirit. I think I listened to it 3 times because everything about it was perfect for this particular September day.

PPS – Mary’s at a rodeo. She sent me a pic of it with the Rocky Mountains as a backdrop. I want/NEED to go west.

There’s A Hole In The Roof For The Stars To Fall In

Why does everything feel crazy in Pittsburgh?

I’ve been home for exactly 60 minutes and already things make sense and I’m calm and snuggling with Lucy and watching the USA vs. Costa Rica game.

Realization: I go out too much. It’s good to stay in and chill sometimes. 24/7 distractions and alcohol consumption are counterproductive to processing feelings.

Realization: My life needs, including relationship ones, are super basic. And I need to embrace them again. It’s like I evolved away from having these simple needs, because I changed them to make a relationship work, then ended the relationship, but kept the pseudo-needs, thinking they were the real ones. That’s a mindfuck, for sure. No wonder I felt so unsettled.

In other related news, 4.5 hours in the car listening to nothing but Joe Purdy will thaw a cold/bitter heart like none other. He writes life music. The best love songs were written by Joe Purdy. And the best heartbreak songs were too.

Everyone should have these four albums. The other eight are incredible. But you REALLY NEED these four.

Joe Purdy is one of my life needs. Tied with soccer and dogs. Just below people and hope.

Labor Day Weekend Expectations/Wishlist 2011

On Tuesday, the 2011 trifecta of summer holidays will be complete. I love summer holidays. Alcohol + sunshine + cookouts/bonfires.

Ideally and/or expectedly, all of these things will happen…

– watch the first Penn State game of the year
– golf with my dad
– eat my mom’s food
– take baby puppy dock jumping
– bake hostility apology pies for everyone I know
– snuggle with dogs
– snuggle with friends
–  drink good beer on the deck
– drink good beer on a boat
– drink cheap beer at a bar
– kayak on a lake
– stargaze
– eat burgers and fruit salad and s’mores
– argue with Mom and Dad about social issues, politics, and the environment like the good old days when I cared about humanity and wanted to save the world
– watch Fox Soccer
– take the scenic route everywhere

And most importantly, be reborn. I don’t know how the eff I did it (or why), but I shut down so many crucial parts of me in order to make the last 3 years work that now I’m exploding with life. Which is mostly positive but not entirely. No joke, it’s making me kind of narcissistic and relatively insensitive. Pittsburgh is difficult to be in right now. I need to go far far away and empty my head.

Calm down –> heal on a spiritual level –> love life and people again –> pursue dreams –> live happily ever after

Quoting  a very dear friend… “I really think the best is ahead of you.”

Damn straight.